Sonic Does Something That is Super Awesome And Stuff
by TrollingnoobXDew
Summary: Sonic and all of his unimportant "friends" race against Eggman and some dumb mercenaries for the seventh and final chaos emerald, and of course utter chaos ensues while Sonic thinks about Pizza Hut. Disclaimer: I do not own the Sonic franchise or anything else in this fic… duh.
1. Sonic Stares into the Sun

One typical day on the planet of Mobius, or Earth, or Planet Freedom, or wherever the chilidog this story takes place, Sonic was lying on a hill starring straight into the sun. Sonic was a world renown hero always beating Eggman's fat ass down before anyone else did, but you already know that because why else would you spend your time looking up Sonic fan fictions, probably the same reason I'm writing this. Anyway in his free time Sonic enjoyed going fast, eating chilidogs and Pizza Hut pizza, and lying around doing nothing but looking at the sun. This was most likely the reason Sonic was nearly blind, but if anyone questioned him on what he did he would reply by saying, "you're too slow in the head to understand". This was very hypocritical since Sonic himself never used his mind, he doesn't think, he just goes.

While Sonic was burning his pupils off, Bokkun the stupid messenger guy form that lame ass anime: Sonic X, showed up coming down from the sky with his little jetpack, shouting like a dumbass.

"Hey Sonic, guess what, my boss has a message for you!" Bokkun screamed at the top of his lungs landing next to Sonic. Sonic didn't reply but continued to stare into the fiery star. "Sonic I have a message for you," Bokkun repeated much quieter than before. Sonic still didn't answer as drool began to leak down the side of his mouth, onto the beautiful green grass below. Bokkun stood there silently for about ten minutes, until he decided to take his message TV and lobbed it at Sonic. The TV smashed Sonic in the gut, who let out a yelp, and then sat up rubbing his quills.

"Huh, Pizza Hut?" Sonic murmured looking over to see Bokkun standing there with a gigantic trollish smile on his face. Sonic got up letting the TV fall to the ground and fastly stumbled over to the stupid messenger bot. He then proceeded to poke Bokkun, making him loose his balance, and trip back, falling down the hill, until he landed at the bottom in an explosion for no apparent reason. Sonic stared at the sun for a second again, until he proceeded over to the TV and tapped the "play" button.

"Well hello there Sonic, I hope you're enjoying your current freedom, because you're about to lose it. This time Sonic I will finally win for realsies, which means I'll kill you and take control of the whole plant, and then construct Eggmanland. At Eggmanland I will sell overpriced food, merchandise, and other lame things that are all complete utter bull shit. And if you don't believe me Sonic, than it is your loss because after being patient for once, and having Snively do all of the dirty work, I have all of the Chaos Emeralds in my control. So Sonic do you think you can defeat me, well you shouldn't, but you should still come and fight me since I'm lonely otherwise. Also would you please destroy Bokkun, he's such a clingy fag, anyway goodbye for now, ho ho hooo!" Dr. Eggman laughed as the prerecorded message ended. Sonic tossed the TV over the edge just as it self-destructed, leaving Sonic to stare back at the sun again.

"Whelp it looks like Eggman is being a dick as usual," Sonic smirked to himself as he usually did, since he was addicted to being a smartass douche. Sonic then proceeded to do some stretches, waisting about five minutes before he informed, "Remember kids always do stretches before you run real fast, otherwise you might pull a muscle or something else." The Blue Blur then blasted off setting the grass behind him on fire, once again being a hypocrite since he was destroying wildlife, when he was supposed to be protecting it.


	2. Eggman's Super Evil Plan of Evil

Before the events of the first chapter took place, we find Dr. Eggman sitting in his big fat metal throne.

"Bokkun, get your sorry ass over here!" Eggman shouted slamming his fist on the arm of his chair.

"I'm right here boss," Bokkun smiled popping up right in front of him.

"Get off me you fag," Egghead yelled throwing Bokkun against the wall. "What are you doing over there, get your sorry ass back here!" Eggman screamed to the dazed Bokkun, who wobbled his way back to the angry doctor.

"Bokkun reporting for duty," Bokkun sighed giving a weak salute to the fat man in front of him.

"Listen up Bokkun, I want you to deliver this monitor to Sonic, it has a message in it that he needs to receive, also it should self-destruct, so stick around," Eggman ordered handing the TV over to Bokkun, who shoved it in his… backpack.

"I won't let you down boss!" Bokkun cheered before blasting off through the roof, creating a large hole that Eggman stared at for a second before shouting.

"Snively, come fix this hole, before I catch a chill," Eggman shouted in a deep gravelly voice, that he always used when bossing around Snively.

"Yes sir," Snively sighed going to go grab supplies from the closet.

"Snively wait, did you hear my ultimate super evil diabolical plan?" Robotnik asked rubbing his hands together.

"Yes sir, I heard you record that message for Sonic," Snively replied with a depressing expression, that never seemed to change.

"What did you say Snively!?" the fat man screamed slamming both of his fists down.

"I said, no sir," Snively answered.

"Good, well let me explain my plan then. Once Sonic comes here to fight me I'll use all six of the chaos emeralds to power my new E.G.G. MegaRobo. With it I'll destroy Sonic, and then take over the whole planet, which I'll turn into Eggmanland," Eggman explained with a chuckle of super evilness.

"Okay sir, but your plan is just too simple, just like the new Sonic games," Snively commented with a heavy sigh.

"Don't talk smack about the new Sonic games, and what the hell was that about my plan being simple?" Robuttnik questioned with a booming voice.

"It just is sir, also you said all six chaos emeralds, when there are seven," Snively said in a sinking frown.

"Wait there are seven chaos emeralds, I always thought there were six, damn it that means I still have one more left to acquire, but Sonic's probably on his way here now, when I'm not fucking ready!" Eggman yelled jumping straight out of his chair, and falling face flat onto the ground. Snively let out a chuckle that quickly died away as Robotnik towered over him.

"Snively what's so funny?" the blob asked.

"Me being a character sir," Snively replied.

"You're damn right that's funny, but how am I to distract the Hedgehog long enough for us to find the last emerald?" Egghead pondered staring at Snively.

"Why don't we send Metal Sonic to go cause terror at Green Hill Zone, that will take a while for Sonic to deal with," Snively said as a light bulb appeared over his head, which fell and shattered, leaving him to reply with an, "Ow sir, I got a booh booh."

"Shut the hell up Snively, I'm trying to think, yes that's it I'll send Metal Sonic to go cause terror in Green Hill Zone, that should distract Sonic for a while," Eggman laughed evilly, but then he pondered again, "But how will we acquire the chaos emerald?"

"Sir, we could use one of our robots, duh," Snively sighed.

"Shut up Snively, first off they're my robots, and second no fan wants to read a fan fic about robots finding a chaos emerald, so instead why don't I go down to my Casino Zone and hire some low lives to do it for me," Robotnik said back giving Snively the death stare with his beautiful eyes.

"Of course sir," Snively replied.

"Now Snively, go send Metal Sonic out and in the meantime I'll make my way down to the casinos," the fat man commanded.

"Yes sir," Snively said making his way to the head control center, as Eggman waddle towards the elevator door.

"Snively!" Eggman screamed.

"What sir?" Snively questioned.

"Fix the roof too, you little prick," Robotnik grumbled as he squeezed into the elevator.

"Uh… I hate my life," Snively moaned.


	3. Bean Trolls the Fat Man

Meanwhile we find ourselves at Eggman's run down Casino Night Zone, to be more specific at the bar with Team Hooligan and the rest of the low lives of the world.

"So guys who wants another round on me," Bean asked as he tossed his empty mug behind him, which followed with some nameless background character screaming, "My Face!"

"Why the hell not," Fang sighed while he tapped his fingers on the counter.

"What about you Bark?" Bean questioned turning to his best friend. Bark responded by giving the annoyed pissed off face he usually gave, followed by a low grunt. "I'll take that as a okay," Bean replied with a thumbs up before jumping up to stand on his stool. "Mr. Waiter, we need another round of the strong shit over here," Bean exclaimed pointing up to the ceiling, with one foot on the counter.

"Get your damn feet off my counter, this isn't a circus!" the bartender shouted who turns out to be Coconuts, wow gigantic plot twist noob.

"But I was raised in a circus," Bean lolled with an XD expression as Coconuts returned the favor with a fuck you face.

"Bean just listen to him before you get us kicked out," Fang ordered pulling Bean down back onto his stool.

"Sure thing boss, oh and get some drinks, shorty," Bean commanded to Coconuts, who replied with a grunt.

"Jeez, this sucks major balls," Fang groaned burying his head in his hands.

"What's wrong Nacky boy, we got all we ever wanted, alcohol," Bean said patting Fang on the back, who looked up in fury.

"What, you mad bro?" Bean trolled.

"Bean, I know this dump might be your idea of paradise, but it sure is hell isn't mine. I'm supposed to be rich, swimming in my own wealth, but every time I had a chance to get there, something fucking retarded happens," Fang raged slamming his clenched hand on the counter.

"Calm down Weasely," Bean said with an over the top smile.

"Sorry I'm not an idiot, who can find joy in everything, especially when we're broke and homeless," Fang said back with a frown.

"Well just look to the bright side, you'll never know what might come bursting through that door," Bean replied pointing to the front door.

"Yeah right, like any opportunity is gonna come walking into this shit hole." Fang mumbled. In less than a second later the door flew open as Eggman came waddling in. "Looks like I stand corrected," Fang said tipping his hat up to see the approaching fat man.

"No you're right, nothing came walking through that door," Bean said back with a trollish smile.

"Here's your drinks fools, and hand over the cash to pay for it, now," Coconuts ordered setting three beers down on the counter and holding out a hand for the awaiting payment.

"Why don't you put it on my bill," Bean XDed with a wink.

"Okay I set myself up for that, but really if you don't you'll be washing dishes," Coconuts frowned crossing his arms.

"But we can't, didn't you just hear Fang, he said we're broke, and that's one hundred percent true," Bean informed with a never ceasing smile.

"Okay that's it wise guy, I'm going to kick your ass," Coconuts shouted jumping on the counter and grabbing Bean by his scarf.

"Coconuts what the hell are you doing?" Eggman asked finally reaching the counter, while heavily panting.

"These fools weren't going to pay, so I was going to teach them a lesson," Coconuts explained with a fake smile.

"Well knock it off and get back to work, and tell Grounder to sweep these floors better, they look like shit," the fatty fat commanded, which responded with Coconuts letting Bean go and hopping back over the counter with a sigh.

"Well hello there gentlemen, I'm here to make a deal with you three," Robotnik greeted holding out his hand.

"Well it's nice to see you again doc," Bean greeted back before spitting on Eggman's hand.

"Ew, um anyway, I'm willing to pay you a great fee if you do this job for me," Egghead said as he rubbed his spit covered hand on his pants.

"A great fee you say, now you're getting me interested," Fang joined in sitting up in his seat, with a grin of pure stupid selfishness.

"Yes that is what I said, what are you stupid or something? Any who I need you guys to go find and return the seventh chaos emerald to me," Robuttnik explained while rubbing his fat gut, for no reason that is important to the story.

"Is that it, and there's no catch right, Sonic won't be there to beat us will he?" Fang questioned a bit concerned.

"No, I'll be distracting Sonic for you, so please feel free to take your time, but for real move your asses," Eggman informed with a gloating smile.

"Well Eggman, it looks like you got yourself a deal," Fang said with a chuckle putting out his hand to shake Robotnik's. Though before Egghead could even put out his hand, Bean had spitted onto Fang's hand.

"Bean you idiot, that's disgusting!" Fang shouted slapping Bean with his spit covered hand.

"What, you mad bro?" Bean trolled as his face rebounded back to staring at Fang.

"Come on team let's get a move on," Fang ordered as he hopped out of his chair, and started for the door.

"See yah later, fatty," Bean said smacking Eggman's ass, as he made his way after Fang. Bark silently got up and followed only grunting at Robuttnik.

"Um… well hurry up… that was strange, yet interesting," Eggman murmured rubbing his chin.

"What, you a furry or something," Coconuts asked.

"No, but Snively is," Eggman answered with a cough.

"How does the floor look now, boss?" Grounder questioned up to the blob of flesh in front of him.

"It still looks like shit, oh wait that's just you," Robotnik laughed before kicking Grounder over. Meanwhile Team Hooligan found their way outside of the dumpy casino, to their parked speeder bikes.

"Well guys it looks like our luck is changing up," Fang said with a smile that ended shortly.

"Hey boys, long time no see," Fiona Fox greeted who was sitting on top of Fang's speeder. Meanwhile Sonic was doing some shit that you'll read about in the next chapter when he said, "I feel like someone just used my greeting phrase."

"Hey Foxy what's shakin', cause I'm hoping it's bacon!" Bean cheered jumping up to Fiona. Fiona responded by patting Bean on the head and then hopping off the speeder.

"What the hell do you want?" Fang groaned face palming.

"Well I overheard you talking to the fat ass, and I want in," Fiona answered straight to the point.

"Don't you have your own lame ass team?" Fang questioned.

"Maybe, maybe not, but either way I'm going after that emerald," Fiona answered rubbing her tail in Fang's face, which responded with him sneezing and then growling like a dog, even though he is a weasel.

"No you're not, this is my job, and if I let you come along, you'll be trying to boss me around like the bitch you are, the whole time," Fang said back in anger.

"What, you mad bro?" Bean trolled again.

"Bean would you rather have me as the leader or that pathetic excuse for a character," Fiona asked. Bean stared at the two for a second and then began to rub his chin while making weird noises.

"I choose, Bark, but if he's not an option than definitely Fiona, since she gives me shiny things," Bean answered with a random hop.

"What, Bean how could you choose this cunt over me," Fang cried.

"What, you mad bro?" Bean still trolled doing a little jig.

"Let's go boys, I want that cash as soon as possible," Fiona commanded jumping back on Fang's speeder.

"You got it; oh can we stop for ice cream on the way back?" Bean asked as he and Bark got on their respected speeders.

"Sure sweetie," Fiona replied as she revved up her speeder and the three sped off, leaving Fang in a cloud of dust.

"Fuck," Fang groaned discarding his hat on the ground and moping away. Meanwhile we find the Chaotix who were stalking the group from a nearby bush.

"Guys, do you know what this means?" Vector questioned in complete and utter gay ass joy.

"We get a free hat," Charmy answered.

"No," Vector said.

"We're going to go find Mighty," Charmy guessed again.

"No, we're going to go find that emerald ourselves and get rich," Vector exclaimed with money signs in his eyes.

"How do your eyes do that?" Charmy questioned.

"But Vector if we did that, we would be helping Eggman and that wouldn't be morally right," Espio informed.

"Who gives a shit as long as I get some money," Vector remarked with a dumb looking smile.

"Yeah, shut up you ninja noob," Charmy joined in poking Espio's head.

"Ow," Espio mumbled as this chapter comes to an epic conclusion, which is in fact this sentence.


	4. Sonic Helps Cheese Out Of the Toilet

In the meantime we find Tails who is at his workshop reading the first chapter of this story, with a disgusted face.

"What the hell is this shit, you call this literature?" Tails said in utter disgust as he scrolled down the page. Suddenly there came a large booming sound from outside, which was most likely one hundred percent positive, an explosion. "What the… goddamn it, why does everyone have to go and cause terrorist attacks on my property," Tails complained sliding off his chair and moving his way outside. There he found Metal Sonic glaring at him, as he made his way out of a burning crater he had just created. "Hey sup Metal, what does Eggman want now?" Tails questioned in annoyance as he let out a elongated yawn.

"Beep boop son, beep boop," Metal Sonic said before flying up and snatching Tails.

"Oh great I'm being kidnapped, well there's only one thing to do," Tails sighed, "Sonic!"

"Hey Tails you called?" Sonic asked popping up out of nowhere.

"Yeah, Metal here is kidnapping me for some dumb reason," Tails explained with his bored expression, which he had on since the beginning of this chapter.

"Well don't you worry little buddy, I'll kick his ass, and then we can both go and kick Eggman's," Sonic said back as he began stretching again.

"Sonic just save me already, I mean while we were talking Metal already took me about half a mile away," Tails shouted in the distance.

"What, did somebody say something?" Sonic said rubbing his nose as he just finished staring up at the sun again. "What was I doing, oh yeah going to go kick Robuttnik's butt," Sonic said as he ran off into the unnamed village nearby, but either way it's in Green Hill Zone. As the blue hedgehog juiced into the village he discovered that someone had done a number on it, which happens to be Metal Sonic, though Sonic doesn't know this because he is an outright moron. As Sonic began to look at the destroyed and burning village he thought about creating a chilidog pizza, that way he could eat both of his favorite foods at once.

"Sonic, oh thank goodness it's you, my daughter is trapped in our burning house, you have to save her," Vanilla cried running up to Sonic and falling on her knees.

"Oh hey there bunny lady, sup, have you seen the sun, cause I can't find it," Sonic said as he stared up at a cloud, which so happened to be blocking the sun.

"Sonic please, my daughter is in danger, you have to save her," Vanilla sobbed grabbing Sonic's leg.

"Whoa let go, now then if your daughter is in trouble why don't you save her yourself, also who leaves their kid in a burning house?" Sonic questioned shaking Vanilla off. "Remember kids, if your parents leave you in a burning house, call child services," Sonic informed the young readers who shouldn't be reading this, but are anyway since no one follows ratings except for tightwads. "Well lady if you'll buy me a pizza later I'll save your dumb kid," Sonic replied with a thumb up and a wink.

"Oh thank you Sonic, I…" Vanilla began before Sonic blasted off, not giving a shit. In less than a second Sonic was staring at the sun, and then at the front door of the burning home of Vanilla.

"Hmm, I should knock before going in, that would be the classy thing to do," Sonic said to himself as usual, before giving the door a slight tap, which responded with the door tumbling over. "Don't mind if I do," Sonic said strolling into the crispy building. "Golly, it sure is hot in here, they need to turn down their freaking thermostat," Sonic said wiping his head, and then going to the wall trying to turn the thermostat down, which ripped off the wall in a second. "That broke fast, like me, I'm fast," Sonic thought picking his ear. Suddenly a scream let out behind the tubby hog, who turned around too fast for you. "Hey shut up kid, I'm thinking about me," Sonic ordered.

"Mr. Sonic is that you, you've gotta help us, Cheese got stuck in the toilet again, and then the house got set on fire, and then my mom ran out and told me to stay here," Cream cried running over to hug Sonic, who put out his hand, stopping her dead in her tiny rabbit tracks.

"Whoa hold it kid, don't hug strangers," Sonic scolded wagging his finger at her.

"But Mr. Sonic I'm your friend Cream, remember," Cream explained trying to stop crying.

"Sorry Kid, but I don't remember a lot of things, but if you need help getting your cheese out of the toilet I will do so, also I feel like someone just used my greeting phrase," Sonic informed in an I'm the goddamn best pose.

"Thanks Mr. Sonic," Cream said giving Sonic a hug.

"Ew, why is everyone obsessed with touching me?" Sonic pondered in disgust, before picking up Cream and hurling her out the open doorway. "Time to go get the cheese from the toilet," Sonic said heading into the smoking bathroom. "Hey what the hell, this isn't cheese," Sonic complained staring at Cheese the chao, whose bottom half was stuck in the toilet bowl.

"Chao chao!" Cheese cried flailing his tiny pudgy arms.

"Um, this is weird so…" Sonic said awkwardly before flushing the toilet. Cheese starting screaming as he swung around at the speed of like less than a mile prower, you see what I did there, well you better have noob. Suddenly the toilet began to rumble violently, before exploding in a wave of water, that sent both Sonic and Cheese smashing through the wall and out of the crumbling house.

"Cheese!" Cream yelled with joy dashing over to the two beings covered in water, and then picking up Cheese, hugging him with sweet innocent joy.

"Fucking water," Sonic screamed jumping up and kicking Cream and Cheese back into the burning house.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Vanilla yelled running up to Sonic and slapping him the face, before dashing into the house after her daughter. Sonic stood in shock for a moment and then continued to stare at the sun as his pupils shrunk even smaller.

"Well that was too slow for this bro, gotta juice and jam," Sonic said ready to shoot off to return to his original mission of stopping Eggman. Though before he could do this Shadow jumped up in front of him and punched him in the face. "Ow, not cool fake hedgehog," Sonic shouted changing from his Roger Craig Smith voice to his Ryan Drummond voice.

"Shut the hell up you bitch," Shadow shouted with his typical I'm such a loner stance.

"What do you want faker?" Sonic asked with off synced mouth movement.

"I want to know why you set this village on fire, and why the hell you kicked that little girl in the face," Shadow shouted as this was his only tone of voice, except for when he was acting all depressed and shit.

"I didn't set this village on fire you noob, and I don't remember kicking a little girl," Sonic said in the same unmoving stance he had been in.

"Well if you didn't, then prove it, with a fight to the point where I get bored and walk away," Shadow shouted clenching both of his hands closed.

"But you weren't in Sonic the Fighters," Sonic said with his wide creepy off synced mouth.

"So, I'm still gonna murder you," Shadow shouted yet again.

"Then let the battle commence, faker," Sonic yelled as he rigidly moved in for an attack and very slowly too. Anyway I'll stop there because YOLO, also it's a cliff hanger so :P you noob.


	5. Big the Cat Rebuilds Amy's House

Now onto another pointless character that I'm going to shove into this story for no reason, and it happens to be the greatest character of all, Big the Cat. While all this other epic shit was happening, Big was relaxing as he usually did just sitting around and fishing like the big fat cat he was, I mean come on it's his name. Suddenly the biggest plot twist ever occurred, Big's love and life, Froggy hopped away.

"Oh no, Froggy where yah going?" Big asked as he watched Froggy slowly make his way into the nearby woods. "Froggy!" Big screamed while very slowly, using all his power to make his way up, and every so slightly taking one small, but energy wasting step after Froggy. As this most amazing story to ever be told folds out, we have to sadly go look at a much less important character, Amy. Typically we find Amy in her house bowing down to her Sonic shrine, and praying for Sonic to fall in love with her.

"Oh Sonic, what I would do to just touch you," Amy daydreamed thinking of… um… well you know.

Meanwhile Sonic in the heat of battle with Shadow shouts, "Seriously why is everyone obsessed with touching me?" Back with Amy Rose, we see that she is um… well… anyway a few minutes after that, Amy is sitting in her room watching TV, when the unexpected happens.

"Hey Amy, the village is on fire, also do you know where me and the Knots are supposed to set up, we got a gig tonight," Mina Mongoose questioned popping up at Amy's window.

"Ahhh, jeez, don't do that, Mina," Amy scolded with a pout.

"Hey what's that?" Mina asked pointing to a… let's just say life-sized Sonic doll.

"Oh this, um, nothing," Amy chuckled throwing the doll off her bed.

"Okay, well bye," Mina said about to leave.

"No wait, did you say the village is on fire?" Amy asked back with great concern, while making her way to the open window.

"Yeah, but I'm sure Sonic will handle it," Mina said.

"Is my house on fire by any chance?" Amy frowned.

"Yeah," Mina smiled walking away.

"Ahhh!" Amy screamed tumbling out her window and then running in circles. "Wait Amy calm down, Mina's right, Sonic will come and save me," Amy told herself with reassurance. After about fifteen minutes of standing in one place, Amy finally realized that her house had burned down to a pile of ashes. "Oh Sonic, why didn't you save my house," Amy cried throwing herself on the ground and slamming her fist like a two-year-old. Suddenly out of the bushes came Froggy who hopped pass at the speed of a frog.

"Froggy, where are you?" Big cried slowly and steadily waddling out after him.

"Big, is that you?" Amy asked jumping up with the creepy smile she usually wore on her face.

"Uh duh, are you my Froggy?" Big replied as drool fell from his mouth onto his gut.

"No it's me, Amy Rose," Amy informed with an are you serious face.

"Okay pink Froggy, we have to go find green Froggy," Big explained ready to waddle off again.

"No Big, just a sec, we'll get Froggy, but first you have to rebuild my house," Amy ordered him.

"Sure, as long as we find Froggy then," Big drooled.

"Okay while you do that, I'll go find Sonic… I mean Froggy," Amy assured rushing off into the distance, unknown to her, Sonic was in the other direction. Meanwhile Big stared at the ashes for a quality amount of time before falling face flat on the ground and tooting. As Amy made her way through the distorted village, she once again found herself bumping into Mina Mongoose.

"Hey Amy, what happened to your house?" Mina questioned as she and her band were just finishing setting up their equipment on the smoky grass.

"It's absolutely fine," Amy replied with a false smile.

"Hey what's up with all these folks, they're all yelling at me that the gigs off, since the village got attacked, but that's exactly why we need to play, to lift their spirits," Mina explained making last minute adjustments to her microphone.

"I know right, well, have you seen Sonic by any chance?" Amy said quizzically not giving a shit about Mina's stupid problems, but about her stupid ones.

"Nope, but trust me, when we start playing you won't be worrying about him," Mina promised.

"I doubt that," Amy murmured under her breath.

"Here we go, 1, 2, 3! Blue streak, speeds by, Sonic the Hedgehog. Too fast for the naked eye, Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic, he can really move, Sonic, he's got an attitude, Sonic, he's the fastest thing alive…" Mina sang as her band grooved with her, meanwhile Amy had backed her way out of the village to avoid listening to the damn SatAM theme. Once in the woods Amy began walking with the same exact goal she had in her mind every minute of her existence, marrying Sonic. It wasn't too long until she found herself literally bumping into a depressed Fang.

"Hey watch where you're going you bitch," Fang yelled tumbling back.

"Hey who are you calling bitch, mister?" Amy asked in anger, ready to pull her piko piko hammer out of nowhere and bash his head in.

"Whoa calm down chick, sorry, I'm just having a bad day," Fang whined crossing his arms in a pout.

"Hey you're that Nack guy, right?" Amy questioned as her temper quickly deescalated.

"Yes, but I prefer to be called Fang," Fang answered.

"Okay Fang, for some reason I remember you with a hat," Amy commented.

"What are you talking about I'm… oh shit, I left my hat on the ground!" Fang shouted before dashing back off to the Casino he had just come from, hopefully you haven't forgotten chapter three yet douches.

"Hey wait, come back!" Amy cried chasing after Fang. At the same time nearby, the Freedom Fighters found themselves watching the interaction while they were on their way from Knothole, to inspect the fire coming from the village.

"I knew it, that lousy hedgehog is a no good traitor, working with that mercenary," Sally yelled slamming her fist into a tree.

"How do you know they were working together, we're too far to hear what they're saying, Princess," Antoine commented logically.

"How dare you question my logic, we need to go after them," Sally commanded.

"But what about the village, what if my little Tails is in danger," Rotor cried in a retarded little kids voice that he has in this story, cause I said so.

"Rotor, shut up about your gay pedophilic fan fiction characteristics of raping Tails," Sally said.

"But… but… Rotor will throw a tantrum," Rotor threatened as tears began to swell in his creepy realistic eyes.

"Fine, you and Bunnie go investigate the village, me and Antoine will trail Amy and Fang," Sally compromised .

"Oh boy!" Rotor cheered gaily, waddling away towards the village.

"Why do I have to go with the pedophilic retard, sugar?" Bunnie complained.

"Because you're a southern hick, now go," Sally ordered, until she made sure Bunnie was sadly walking after Rotor.

"Come on Antoine, let's go bust that bitch up," Sally said walking after Amy and Fang.

"Sacrebleu," Antoine moaned face palming.


	6. Mighty and Ray the Hobos

"Hey Boss, what do you think of the hat?" Charmy questioned showing off Fang's hat, which he had recently picked off the ground.

"Charmy, does it look like I care?" Vector replied back not even taking a look at Charmy's new prized possession.

"Maybe you do care, deep down in your heart," Charmy smiled doing a flip in the air.

"Nope," Vector said as they trudged their way on.

"Aw, this is your fault Espio," Charmy cried as the song: Sad Violin; played in the background.

"Charmy, do not blame me, but look down inside yourself and find the truth of why you're sad," Espio commanded giving his typical two fingered ninja sign.

"No that's gay, right Vector?" Charmy asked.

"Yep, that's gay," Vector replied. In return Espio sighed as the trio moved on heading towards the emerald, except they didn't know where the hell that was.

"Boss, do you even know where you're going?" Espio said quizzically.

"Um… of course I do… yeah I have no idea where were going," Vector admitted stopping dead in his tracks, which caused Charmy to bump into him and tumble to the ground.

"But Boss, you have to know, otherwise we won't be able to become rich, and if I'm not rich, I can't buy matching boots for this hat," Charmy whined throwing a tantrum.

"Shut up Charmy, I'm trying to think," Vector ordered while pondering.

"Okay," Charmy followed shutting up immediately.

"Boss, why don't we ask Knuckles to join us, he has that weird sixth sense," Espio suggested.

"He can see dead people!" Charmy shouted.

"Shut the hell up kid," Vector yelled slapping Charmy across the face twice.

"No, Knuckles can track down where emeralds are, remember," Espio informed with his bored looking yet mysterious face.

"Great thinking Espio, we'll kidnap Knuckles, and force him to find the emerald," Vector said pointing in the air for no reason.

"Fuck yeah!" Charmy Cheered giving himself a high-five.

"I was actually suggesting that we just ask Knuckles to help us, I mean we're pretty much friends of his," Espio explained logically.

"That's lame," Charmy commented.

"Yeah it's fucking stupid, we're just going to kidnap him," Vector ordered. Meanwhile about a bush away we find Mighty and Ray sitting around their campfire, being awesome hobos.

"Hey Ray, did you hear that?" Mighty asked looking over towards the bickering voices.

"Hmm, yeah, let's check it out," Ray said hopping up and peering over the nearby bush. "Hey come look at this, aren't those the Chaotix, you know the gang you used to run with," Ray informed to Mighty who was on his way over to the bush.

"Oh yeah, those son of a bitches, what are they doing here?" Mighty wondered watching the Chaotix bicker some more, before they started heading off to go find Knuckles.

"Strange, whelp, let's get back to being hobos," Ray said heading back to the dying fire.

"No, I'm going after those jerks, they don't think I'm good enough to be on their team, huh," Mighty shouted angrily hopping over the bush and looking in the direction of where the Chaotix were heading.

"I thought you quit the Chaotix," Ray said turning around and heading back after Mighty.

"Yeah, but they should have begged me to come back, but they didn't," Mighty complained squinting his eyes with a frown.

"But aren't you happy being a hobo?" Ray asked.

"Yes, but I need to do this," Mighty explained epically, ready to head off after them, but tumbling down to the ground as three speeders pulled up in front of them. "Hey what's the big idea, watch were you're going idiots," Mighty shouted pulling himself up and shaking his fist.

"Calm down, boy," Fiona ordered glaring down at the two hobos.

"Don't tell me to calm down you bitch," Mighty raged kicking the dirt in front of him.

"What, you mad bro?" Bean trolled in his never ending troll quest.

"Hey Squirrelly, have you seen an emerald around here by any chance?" Fiona questioned Ray.

"Um, no, Miss?" Ray asked and answered at the same time.

"Miss Fox, but call me Fiona, now are you sure you haven't seen an emerald around here?" Fiona questioned in annoyance.

"I didn't see the shiny," Bean answered.

"I wasn't talking to you, dear," Fiona said.

"Oh…" Bean sighed as more Sad Violin music played.

"Ray here already told you, we didn't see an emerald, and if we did we sure as hell wouldn't hand it over to you, you slut," Mighty shouted as his blood pressure rose, because he was over reacting as usual. Fiona responded by jumping off her speeder, and kicking Mighty in the face.

"Well it was nice to meet you Ray, I can't say the same for your friend here," Fiona said making her way back to her speeder.

"It was nice to meet you too," Ray responded awkwardly.

"Now promise me, if you see an emerald by any chance please come and tell me," Fiona ordered turning on her engine.

"Of course," Ray laughed falsely as beads of sweat ran down his yellow fur. And like that the trio was shooting off, leaving Ray standing there in awe.

"Wow those guys were so cool looking," Ray said.

"Those guys were fagets," Mighty cursed angrily getting up from the ground.

"No they weren't, they had speeders, now that's awesome, plus that Fox kicked your sorry ass," Ray replied.

"What did you say?" Mighty asked angrily looming over Ray with glowing red eyes of evilness.

"Nothing," Ray said fearfully.

"That's right, and now we're going to go after both the Chaotix and those lame ass douches," Mighty explained before dragging Ray by the tail, and heading after the speeders. Meanwhile Team Hooligan we'll just call them, was speeding around at the speed of the speeder bike's maximum speed limit.

"Wow those guys were so awesome," Bean said.

"Why?" Fiona asked turning her head to look at Bean who was behind her.

"They were hobos, and hobos are always awesome," Bean explained.

"Yeah sure, by the way do you guys have any idea on how to find the emerald?" Fiona questioned. Bark responded with his usual death stare, and Bean shook his head left and right super-duper fast.

"Great, as usual I have to do everything myself," Fiona complained.

"Wait Fox, why don't we go ask that red echidna guy if he can help us, he has that super power that lets him find shiny things," Bean said.

"Oh really, and where did you hear this from?" Fiona questioned with the same annoyed expression.

"Well I was reading the beginning of this chapter and found the idea right here," Bean said pulling a computer out of nowhere and hurling it at Fiona. Fiona didn't even have time to think as the computer smashed her in the gut knocking her off her speeder, and having her crash to the ground into a bush.

"You were supposed to catch it," Bean shouted as he stopped his speeder and went dashing over to Fiona.

"You fucking moron!" Fiona screamed jumping out of the bush onto Bean, strangling him.

"This is fun," Bean chocked out as Fiona started smashing his head on the ground, until she slowly started to decrease, as she began wobbling back and forth. "Looks like you're feeling a little lightheaded," Bean said as Fiona's eyes rolled in her head and she fell over on top of him. "Well Bark it looks like someone is weighing me down from reaching my dreams," Bean trolled to Bark, who was still sitting on his speeder just staring as usual. "Okay well, it looks like we should go find that red guy, so then we can have him find the shiny for us," Bean explained slipping out from under the unconscious Fiona. "Aw, my computer," Bean whined staring at the remains of his Mac, while Bark kept glaring at him in anger. "Just cause you have a PC, doesn't mean you can judge me," Bean informed all professor like, before hopping back on his bike.

"Hey Bark how about you grab Foxy there, and tie her to my back, so that way I can keep track off her. I know you want to carry her, but I'm the stronger one so it makes more sense," Bean explained to Bark, who carried out the order without a word and in a mere minute was back on his bike. "Good job bro, now let's go," Bean commanded before stepping on the gas and taking off at full speed, with Bark following closely behind. Unknown to them that the Babylon Rogues were watching from nearby; jeez it seems like everybody is stalking each other in this fic.

"Come on team, let's go show those speeder boys, who's the real master of speed," Jet ordered hopping on his hover board with an annoying laugh.

"You mean Sonic?" Storm asked as he stumbled onto his own board.

"No, I mean us you idiot, now let's cut it loose," Jet laughed as he and the others flew off after Team Hooligan.


	7. Shadow is Not a Child Predator

Awhile back we find Sonic about to engage in a mind blowing battle against Shadow. As Sonic moved in, horribly animated, for an attack, he was quickly knocked back by a kick from Shadow.

"No," Shadow shouted, as you should remember, he only seems to shout when angry.

"Ow, you faker that hurt," Sonic whined getting up and running in for another slow attack.

"No," Shadow shouted with another kick to the face.

"Ow, you'll pay for that, also, seriously why is everyone obsessed with touching me?" Sonic complained and asked, completely off topic, going in for another attack again.

"No," Shadow still shouted with a teeth rattling punch. Anyway this pattern went on for twenty-five minutes, until Shadow finally crossed his arms and began to walk away.

"Where are you going, faker?" Sonic asked wobbling to get up and then spitting up blood.

"I said I would fight you till I got bored, and now I'm bored," Shadow answered finally talking in his depressed emo voice instead of shouting.

"So you're not just a faker, you're also a baby, what would Alice in Wonderland think of you?" Sonic coughed giving a weak smirk.

"You mean Maria?" Shadow asked.

"Yeah whatever," Sonic smiled as he wiped blood from his mouth.

"Maria, how could I let you down Maria?" Shadow asked himself starring up to the sky, thinking of Maria.

"Shadow, don't stare at the sun too long," Sonic said as this overused joke continued.

"Shut up Sonic, I'm going to kill you, for Maria," Shadow informed cracking his knuckles, not Knuckles, just his knuckles; you know what I'm saying.

"Bring it," Sonic said stumbling forward and giving the finger to Shadow.

"No wait, stop!" a scream let out as a bolt of bright light flashed before the two hedgehogs' eyes.

"Whoa," Sonic awed gapping his creepy mouth open.

"Guys stop, it's me Silver," Silver said appearing from the bright light along with Blaze, and Marine the Raccoon for no reason, who responded to fall over and do nothing, as she wasn't important to the story.

"What the hell do you want, you gay hedgehog?" Shadow questioned.

"We, well I, traveled here from the future to warn you that if you kill Sonic, Eggman will take over the entire world, also I dragged them along for no reason," Silver warned dramatically.

"Damn, I wanted to kill this douche, but since I don't want the fat man to take over, I'll kill you instead," Shadow explained.

"Exactly… wait what?" Silver began before being pinned to the ground, and punched in the face repeatedly.

"Oh God, Blaze do something!" Silver cried between punches. Blaze starred at them not amused, until she got so bored and set both Silver and Shadow on fire.

"Damn, I'm on fire!" Shadow shouted dashing off towards Cream, who was watching the fight from nearby, drinking carrot juice from a Sippy cup. Meanwhile Silver started running in circles screaming, "It's no use!", until he ran off disappearing into the woods, not to be seen for the rest of the story.

"Give me that," Shadow shouted grabbing Cream's Sippy cup, opening it up, dumping the juice on himself, and putting out the fire. "Much better," Shadow said throwing the empty cup to the ground.

"Hey fuck you mister, that was my juice," Cream yelled with Cheese nodding his head in agreement.

"You shouldn't say things like that, where's your parental guidance?" Shadow questioned angrily.

"My mom went to go find someone who could help us rebuild our home, she told me and Cheese to stay here," Cream explained.

"Well then, I'll have to discipline you myself," Shadow said grabbing Cream, sitting down on a log, putting Cream over his knee, and preparing to spank her. At this exact moment Vanilla returned, coming up to Shadow from behind with a shocked disgusted face, which Shadow slowly turned to see.

"I assure you, I'm not a child predator," Shadow informed. During all of this brilliant literature that is unfolding right before your eyes, Sonic was somewhat standing, somewhat wobbling in place, thinking… no wait, he doesn't think, he just goes.

"Huh, what's that noise?" Sonic questioned perching his ear up, as all of his scars and bruises magically disappeared for no reason what so ever; I mean I can do what I want I'm the author. As Sonic turned his ear to the noise he began to hear the very end of the SatAM theme. "Hmh, looks like someone's still stuck in 1993," Sonic said with his amazing Roger Craig Smith voice returning, if you haven't caught on yet. And just like that Sonic flew off, leaving no trace of that he was ever there, except for the damage he had done to the souls of the insignificant characters. In less than a few seconds Sonic found himself crashing into the Forget Me Knots quite literally, knocking over Max, smashing into Mach's drum set, and making Sharps balk.

"Don't be such a chicken, Sharps," Sonic said pulling himself out of the ruined drums. This is the moment that if Mach's set wasn't ruined, you would hear two snare drum taps and a crash symbol, also known as: ba dum tss.

"Hey watch it, we were making music here," Mina shouted turning around angrily.

"Shut it," Sonic simply ordered putting his index finger over her mouth and then looking at a tree, because the sun joke is lame now, so we'll use a tree joke instead, until I get bored of that and use something else.

"Oh, I didn't see it was you Sonic, feel free to smash our instruments to pieces," Mina laughed blushing.

"Shhh!" Sonic shushed loudly grinding his teeth, not even looking at Mina.

"Oh…" Mina murmured awkwardly, which resulted in Sonic giving her the evil eye, before going back to staring at the tree. A few more minutes passed, which seems to happen a lot in this story, maybe I should just stop writing till I get more original ideas, but I'm not going to do that cause I'm a douche.

"What are you looking at?" Mina questioned quietly.

"The sun," Sonic whispered; what you really thought I give up a joke like that.

"But, that's a tree," Mina commented.

"Are you serious?" Sonic asked in complete dumbfounded seriousness.

"Yeah," Mina answered.

"Wow, that tree looks so similar to the sun," the blind Sonic told Mina, as he took one last glance at the tree, "You sure?"

"Yes," Mina replied in a groan about to face palm.

"Don't you face palm me, bitch, or I'll be showing you why they call me awesome ass kicking blue guy," Sonic threatened raising a fist to Mina's face.

"No one calls you that," Mina said back using her finger, to slowly lower Sonic's fist of rage.

"Oh really, tell that to my little buddy here," Sonic smirked guiding his hand, to show the spot of where Tails would be standing, if he was there at the moment.

"Sonic, uh, no one's standing there," Mina informed raising a finger for affect.

"Wait what, oh no, I forgot, Tails has been kidnapped," Sonic shouted in shock, "Have you've seen Tails?"

"Well no, but I saw Amy, if that interests you," Mina explained.

"Hell no," Sonic said wagging his finger, "Sorry, but I gotta juice."

"Tails got kidnapped!" Rotor screamed running up to the two from seemingly nowhere, with Bunnie not far behind.

"Who got kidnapped?" Sonic asked with a yawn.

"Tails, why oh why Tails, Rotor wanted to do unspeakable pedophilic things to you," Rotor cried as a fountain of tears fell from his eyes.

"Where'd that fountain come from?" Sonic questioned as everyone else ignored this pointless comment.

"What in the dickens is going on here?" Bunnie asked back with a look of confused anger.

"Well it looks like the village was attacked and Tails got kidnapped," Mina tried to explain, "Hmm, I should write a song about this."

"Well shoots, come on Sonic, we'll go find your little friend," Bunnie responded as she picked up the sobbing Rotor, and threw him over her metal shoulder.

"My what?" Sonic asked.

"Your friend," Bunnie said grabbing Sonic with her non-robotic side, and dragging him along.

"Holy moly, I'm being kidnapped myself, hey band girl do something!" Sonic began shouting as he was dragged along helplessly, since he was too lazy to move.

"Bye Sonic, come to my next concert, please," Mina said awkwardly waving goodbye.

"Whelp, this is the end of Sonic the Hedgehog, I'm sorry I couldn't save you Pizza Hut, and you too chilidog," Sonic said dramatically as he reached for the sky, "That's enough reaching for one day, remember kids, if you reach for the sky, you'll never grab it, you idiot."


	8. Amy Wants Sonic in a Blue Ribbon

"No… no, where is it!?" Fang screamed rubbing his hands among the dusty ground outside of the Casino.

"I said to wait, what, do you have shit for brains?" Amy asked in a pant as she finally caught up to the speeding Fang. Well if you have no idea what's going on, it's obvious you haven't read the other chapters or you just forget. So to set this sophisticated scene we find Fang looking for his missing hat and Amy still trailing after him, all the way back to the Casino Night Zone, and that means Sally and Antoine aren't too far behind… or are they? Amy found herself watching Fang with an interest; it was funny to see someone so obsessed with something, not like she herself was obsessed with anything… cough.

"This is the worst day of my entire life, first I get kicked off my own team, and now my most beloved possession is nowhere to be seen," Fang cried burying his head in his hands which were dirty, so that's fucking disgusting.

"Stop being such a baby Fang, you can just by a new hat," Amy suggested with a cutesy smile. Fang stopped and ever so slowly turned, his face becoming a nation of little rage people.

"Buy a new one, that hat is the most important thing in my life, I love that hat, and if it's gone I'll have no reason to go on. I can't be Fang the Sniper without my staple hat, no fan would recognize me," Fang yelled angrily at first, but then slowly becoming saddened near the end with a sigh.

"It's okay Fang, most general people have no idea who you are," Amy ensured.

"You don't understand, you don't know how it is to have something you love be taken away from you," Fang mumbled as his head sank low.

"Yes I do, my Sonic, he's always being stolen away by other girls and that accursed restaurant, Pizza Hut," Amy said growing angry and clenching her fists tight.

"Keep dreaming sweetheart, Sonic was and never will be yours," Fang commented.

"What! Sonic is mine, just because the court said I can't legally call him my property, doesn't mean he doesn't belong to me, you get it!" Amy screamed standing on her tippy toes to tower over Fang, while poking him in the nose violently; I guess a poke can be violent.

"Okay jeez, calm down, now if you'll be excusing me I'm gonna go head back into the Casino and get drunk off my ass, and hopefully die of alcohol poisoning," Fang informed turning to head in, but was quickly grabbed by Amy from behind. "What?" Fang questioned in fury.

"Don't kill yourself, that wouldn't be very nice, also you know that's Eggman's Casino," Amy warned with her never ending void of smiles.

"Do you think I care, really? Now get the hell out of here," Fang threatened with a hiss.

"Fang if I could get your hat back, would you consider not dying?" Amy asked in complete dead seriousness.

"And how would you do that, I mean do you even have the slightest idea where it could be?" Fang responded not buying it.

"Yes, and I'm being serious here," Amy lied with a straight face, as she had no idea where his hat could possibly be.

"Really, then tell me," Fang exclaimed grabbing Amy by the arms in excitement.

"No, I'll get the hat though, but only if you promise me one thing," Amy replied.

"I'll do anything, please, just get my hat back," Fang begged falling to his knees.

"You have to bring me Sonic, unharmed," Amy ordered.

"Are you kidding, fine, get my hat and I'll bring you that buffoon in a ribbon," Fang agreed with a face of utter disbelief.

"Yes bring him in a ribbon, make it a blue one, cause he's blue," Amy told Fang, daydreaming of all of the things she could do, with Sonic tied up in a ribbon.

"Sure, meet me here by midnight with the hat, and then we'll do a trade off," Fang said holding out his hand, which responded with Amy giving a big shake in agreement. Amy than waved goodbye before skipping back into the forest, leaving Fang to stand outside the Casino in silence. "Let's get going old buddy," Fang said to himself pulling out his revolver and giving it a spin.

"Not so fast, you mercenary scum," Sally yelled jumping out of a nearby garbage can, as Antoine appeared from behind it. "We heard everything, you and Amy are planning to kidnap Sonic to sell him off to Robotnik," Sally informed pointing dramatically at Fang. "Antoine where was the dramatic track that was supposed to play there?" Sally questioned turning her head to give Antoine the death stare.

"Sorry Princess, but I don't carry around a musical device," Antoine answered.

"You French bastard," Sally glared.

"Well I can see that you are delusional, so I'm just gonna go," Fang falsely laughed as he ever so slowly began stepping to his escape.

"You're not going anywhere!" Sally shouted jumping up, doing a triple back flip, kicking of a tree, and landing in front of Fang.

"Um…" Fang frowned as Sally stared at him and then quickly grabbed his gun from his hand, turning it so the nozzle was facing him right between his eyes. Fang let out a chuckle and then magically spawned a white flag in defeat, giving it a little wave.

"Antoine, tie up this low life," Sally smirked.

"Yes my Princess," Antoine replied beginning to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Sally asked in confusion.

"Back to Knothole, we left the rope there," Antoine answered.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sally questioned in disbelief.

"No," Antoine said raising his hand as a gesture, for no particular reason unless it's important to the plot, let me check, nope.

"Damn it!" Sally screamed stomping her foot and then swinging the revolver to knock Fang out cold, or hot, or… he's unconscious. Fang let out a yelp, tumbled back, and then fell face flat on the ground. "Antoine, get over here and carry this scum, we're going after Rose," Sally ordered pointing to the weasel on the ground, and then heading in the direction of the pink hedgehog.

"Yes my Princess," Antoine groaned walking towards Fang, and then struggling to lift up the dead weight, let's just say it took a while until he had Fang resting on his back, and even then he was barely able to walk without tumbling over.

Meanwhile Amy was happily skipping back towards the Green Hill village, dreaming of all of the spectacular things she would accomplish with her love Sonic, once she had him in her possession of course.

"Amy Rose you finally did it, by midnight tonight you'll be touching Sonic all you want," Amy drooled to herself. "Wait a minute, shit, I forgot, I have to get Fang's hat or there will be no Sonic," Amy sighed kicking the ground and pulling up some grass. "And I don't even know where to start," Amy moaned now slowly trudging back into the village.

"You're so Super Sonic. Wanna feel your powers; stun me with your laser. Your kiss is cosmic…" Mina sang as Amy came trudging by not even paying attention to the stupid pop song, that Mina was most likely signing just cause it had the word sonic in it.

"When is that bitch gonna go home, she's making my ears bleed," Amy complained, covering her ears as she made her way back to the ashes of her house. When she arrived she found the scene she thought she would find, Big lying on the ground like the fat tard he is. Amy stared for a second before walking over and sitting on Big with an elongated sigh.


	9. Everybody's Super Bean Racing

"Hey speeder dork, you up for a race?" Jet smirked pulling up alongside the zooming Bean.

"Oh hey there Jet, long time no see," Bean greeted with a devilish grin as his head slowly turned toward the asshole hawk.

"Come on, why are so many insignificant characters that the mainstream gamers never heard of, keep using my line?" Sonic whined a great deal off in the distance.

"What, Bean, are you kidding me, never mind I'm not racing some crazy terrorist," Jet frowned ready to pull away. Though before this precise move could be executed Bean outstretched his arm and swiftly grabbed Jet pulling him up against his face. Bean stared in silence at a horrified Jet just as Bark did his entire life, he just stared… forevers.

"You know what I like to do?" Bean asked in a slow whisper.

"No," Jet cried as tears began to swell his eyes.

"I like to… race!" Bean screamed shoving Jet back who almost tumbled off his board, but with the expertise of a guy who fly's hover boards for a living; he was able to regain his balance. Though he lost his wallet which fell out of his invisible pocket when he leaned back.

"You son of a goose!" Jet yelled in his ear raping voice as he watched his wallet fly off into the air, ready to start its own amazing quest, one that deserves its own fan fiction tilted, "Jet's Wallet Does Something That is Super Awesome and Stuff".

"My parents weren't gooses they were animals," Bean corrected not knowing the difference between a foot and a hand.

"Like I said I'm not gonna race some psychopath," Jet exclaimed trying to hide the obvious anger that was above his head, which was actually a sign that Bean was holding, which read, "I'm very angry, shoot me, also Bean is my lord and savior".

"Give me that," Jet said grabbing the sign in a fit of rage and then slugging it at Bean.

"Jeez, my head," Fiona whined in a daze as she slowly began to regain consciousness, though this didn't last long as Bean's sign squared her right in the head. "Ow, what in the…" she began to shout before her head fell onto Bean's back, once again unconscious.

"Be quite Fiona you're ruining my style," Bean ordered slapping the unconscious Fiona and then pulling a pair of shades from behind his back and slipping them on. "Riding in style," Bean said nodding his head up and down.

"You're insane; half of the things you do don't make logic sense, and now your kidnapping a bystander," Jet said in complete utter discuss.

"Oh Foxy here isn't a bystander, me and her go way back, don't worry she enjoys being tied to my back, you know girls and their weird fetishes, am I right or am I very right," Bean informed tossing his shades at Jet, who responded with a face of twisted undying shock, not evening flinching as the shades bounced of his face. "So are we racing or do you have too many genetics of a chicken?" Bean lolled as his beak turned into a letter u.

"Who you calling a chicken?" Jet questioned with a frown as he suddenly snapped out of his disgusted state, since this insult knocked at his very large ego.

"I'll give you one guess, and it isn't bark," Bean replied poking Jet oh his pointy beak.

"That's it you crazy, lets race," Jet smirked ready to shoot off at full speed.

"Shazam!" Bean shouted spawning a bomb in his hand and throwing it right into Jet's un-expecting face. Jet let out an ear rattling scream flying back as his board and himself burst into flames, landing somewhere in the dense forest.

"Hey, holy shit, you're going to pay for that," Storm yelled from behind as he and Wave had been following behind the whole time, if it wasn't obvious to you.

"Bring it you overweight tub," Bean laughed insanely pointing back a Storm and Wave with a face of complete madness.

"You know what, this punk isn't worth it, come on Storm, let's go get Jet," Wave said as she made a quick U-turn on her board heading back towards the distant crash site. Storm glared at the hooligans which responded with Bark glaring back, the two locked for a moment before Storm made a swift turn around, after Wave.

"Those babies think they can escape from Team Hooligan, well try again," Bean grinned twisting his speeder around to chase down the Babylon Rogues. Bark responded with a grunt of disapproval, but followed Bean's terrible lead. "Aw come on Bark, just because the Coca-Cola Company fired you doesn't mean you have to be moody," Bean lectured as Bark's face grew a tiny bit angrier. Meanwhile the Chaotix were making their way towards Angel Island, set on their most brilliant quest of kidnapping Knuckles.

"Do you know where we're going boss, cause the map I gave you should really help us out," Charmy informed repeatedly tapping on the piece of paper Vector was holding.

"Charmy this is a piece of paper with a drawing of a hat, some boots, an ice cream cone, Station Square, a person burning to death, a bathtub filled with what appears to be cocaine, and a retarded looking crocodile," Vector replied as he grabbed Charmy's wrist stopping his repeated tapping.

"Oh that's you," Charmy smiled, "See it even has that dumb grin you always have on your face." Vector slowly looked up at the innocent six-year-old bee, before clubbing him in the face and tossing the map on the ground. Charmy fell to the surface crying and rolling around in his own tears, which was saving the Chaotix's money on their water bill, since Charmy didn't require a bath now.

"Hey boss if I remember right, there should be a village right up ahead, we could cut through there and then we'll get to Knuckles quicker," Espio informed as both he and Vector ignored the crying bee who was rolling after them in a trail of tears.

"Good the sooner we get to Knuckles, the sooner I'm sleeping in a bed of riches," Vector grinned which was the dumb grin Charmy was talking about earlier. "Now if you don't mind I'm gonna listen to my jams," Vector informed turning on his mp3 and blasting it a top volume, so both of his teammates could hear his terrible choice of music. Soon the Chaotix found themselves walking into an apocalyptic looking village, ruins of structures and the steaming smoke from embers laid throughout the landscape.

"What happened here, this is terrible," Espio exclaimed studying his surroundings as he walked further into the destroyed village.

"Yeah this is, my mp3 battery just died, and some stupid bitch is singing pop music," Vector complained shaking his mp3 as he heard the distant voice of the still singing Mina.

"Is it more terrible then when you punched me?" Charmy questioned flying up from the ground.

"Of course it is, punching you wasn't terrible, as a matter of fact that was the highlight of my day so far," Vector responded resulting in Charmy starting to bawl like the stupid bee he was, again.

"Boss look it's that pink hedgehog that stalks Sonic, and she seems to be sitting on a purple rock," Espio said pointing in the direction of Amy who had drifted asleep.

"Let's go see if she has a place where I can plug in my mp3," Vector commanded marching forward with the ongoing continuation of Charmy crying and Espio looking bored. The Chaotix made their way to Amy and towered over her for a second, before Vector ferociously began to strike her.

"Aggh!" Amy screamed tumbling off Big and jumping up in confusion, drawing her piko piko hammer.

"Woah, settle down lady, I just wanted to know if you have an outlet I can plug my mp3 into," Vector said holding up his hands in a peaceful gesture.

"Does it look like I have an outlet to plug your crap into?" Amy said in fury as her eye began to twitch.

"Hmm, honestly I don't know," Vector replied shrugging his shoulders, as we all know this is the best way to answer questions in life.

"Well I don't, hey, aren't you those Chaotic thingy's?" Amy questioned as her blood pressure began to lower, putting her hammer away.

"We're the Chaotix and we're on a quest to go steal… I mean visit Knuckles," Vector informed with a super cool posing stance that should totally be a poster in your room, with the tagline, "The Chaotix, always there to cause a most spectacular subplot that you care so much about".

"So what do you want from me?" Amy asked with a confused frown.

"Do you know how to get to Angel Island from here?" Espio questioned in return.

"Oh is that all, well then, just keep going straight that way, eventually you'll come to a cliff where you should be able to see the island, how you get onto it is your problem," Amy explained while pointing out the route.

"Thank you," Espio said before walking in the given direction.

"See you lady," Vector mumbled while he began to hum obnoxiously.

"Bye pink person," Charmy waved as he had stopped crying and was flying after his teammates, turning around one more time to give a tip of his hat.

"Bye," Amy replied nonchalantly as she watched them disappear back into the dense forest. Amy stood for a while recalling all that happened today, just four chapters ago she was sitting at home worshipping Sonic, and now she was a homeless bum on the street, stuck in a deal she had made with a ruthless mercenary. "If only I could find that hat," she sighed bumping right into Big who had somehow managed to get up.

"I liked that yellow Froggy's hat," Big slobbered staring down at Amy creepily yet stupidly.

"Oh hey, you're alive," Amy coughed with a false smile.

"We need to find Froggy and buy him a hat too," Big brilliantly planned as his brain went to the extra level of thinking to produce such gracious thought.

"You mean a hat like that bee's?" Amy asked, but she suddenly stopped, freezing up as the realization hit her. "That bee has Fang's hat!" she screamed before running off at full speed following the Chaotix.

"Pink Froggy, where'd you go?" Big questioned as his eyes became crossed and he once again went into, let's say, one of his retarded comas.


	10. Sally Snaps and Sonic Resorts to Waiting

"We're going too slow," Sonic whined as he was slowly dragged along, "Come on, why are so many insignificant characters that the mainstream gamers never heard of, keep using my line?"

"Well maybe if you would pick yourself up and walk, I wouldn't have to be dragging you like a sack of potatoes," Bunnie replied as she continued to move forward in search of Tails.

"Ugh," was Sonic's response as he left a line of turned up grass, marking the path he was being dragged along.

"When are we gonna find Tails, he might be dead… go faster Bunnie!" Rotor cried as he flailed his arms like toddler.

"Yeah, we're going too slow," Sonic moaned.

"That's it!" Bunnie screamed tossing the two annoying companions to the ground.

"You two can either move your own sorry asses, or stay here, either way I'm going to go rescue Tails," Bunnie ordered glaring directly at the nonchalant Sonic and the retarded babyish Rotor.

"Bunnie calm down, Rotor sorry, Rotor will walk, as long as I can grasp Tails in my pudgy hands," Rotor responded rolling himself off the ground.

"Apology accepted, Rotor," Bunnie said giving Rotor a shake in agreement, before glaring back at the unresponsive Sonic, "Well?"

"Well what?" Sonic said back staring off into the distance as a fly landed on his head.

"What do you mean, well what?" Bunnie cringed as her annoyance level reached its maximum.

"Well what do you mean, what do you mean, well what?" Sonic replied as the fly crawled across his eyes, without him even blinking.

"What?" Bunnie asked in confusion.

"Exactly," Sonic answered back as the fly flew off towards the sun, "You won't get to the sun little guy, trust me I've tried."

"Okay, come on Rotor we don't need this lazy slob slowing us down, I remember when he used to stand up for others," Bunnie sighed turning to leave.

"Hey who you calling a lazy slob, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog, world renown hero, protector of the chilidog, and king of the Pizza Hut," Sonic informed jumping off the ground and speed walking over to Bunnie.

"Oh really sugar, then prove it, cause today I haven't seen you doing anything except for being a lazy Yankee scum," Bunnie shot back as her and Sonic's faces came up against each other.

"I will," Sonic whispered staring into Bunnie's soul. The two stayed like this as Rotor began to drool, while waddling in place.

"What is going on here?" Sally questioned in a very unhappy tone as she and the struggling Antoine entered the scene.

"Oh hey Sally, nothing important," Bunnie laughed falsely as she pushed Sonic back, who fell face flat on the ground since he was top heavy.

"Bunnie, you just pushed Sonic, how could you," Sally scolded running over to the lying Sonic and cuddling him against her chest.

"Sally dear I didn't… I mean… it's a long story," Bunnie sighed just giving up trying to save her butt from any stupid punishment that Sally could dream up.

"Sally where should I put the mercenary?" Antoine groaned as his knees began to buckle underneath the extra weight; who knew Fang was so fat.

"Shut the fuck up Antoine, can't you see we're busy," Sally ordered.

"Okay my Princess," Antoine replied before Fang tumbled down on top of him, "Sacrebleu."

"Are you okay Sonic?" Sally asked stroking his quills.

"Whoa, what the hell?" Sonic shouted pushing himself off of Sally and stumbling back to his feet.

"I'm fine, jeez, if I wanted my face in your boobs, I'd do it on my own terms," Sonic coughed before stretching his arms. "Welp, long time no see Ray," Sonic greeted with a smile, finally able to use his line.

"I'm not Ray," Sally said back with a frown.

"Oh, you're Conker, right?" Sonic guessed again giving a snap with his hand.

"No, that's a completely different game, how do you forget me, I'm one of your best friends, I'm one of your love interests," Sally yelled angrily, standing and clenching her fist.

"Oh you're Ricky," Sonic assured himself.

"I'm Princess Sally Acorn, leader of the Freedom Fighters, daughter of King Acorn, and the rightful ruler of Mobius, I shall rule you all one day," Sally laughed manically with a crazed face, before realizing that everyone was looking at her awkwardly. "I mean, I'm Sally," Sally reassured with a false smile.

"Sally, oh yeah that's right," Sonic responded, though in reality he had a very slight idea of who she was. The group of anthropomorphic animals stood in place for a bit, with nothing but the sound of the heavily breathing Antoine, who was still trying to get out from under Fang.

"Oh no, we forgot about Tails!" Rotor shouted loudly, giving everyone a jump as he went to waddle off.

"Whoa hold it, Bunnie grab him," Sally ordered; Bunnie gave a quick nod before grabbing Rotor with her mechanical arm and holding him in place.

"Let Rotor go!" Rotor yelled as he still tried to move forward without any particular outcome.

"Rotor hold on, we need to find out what exactly is going on here before we make any type of move," Sally for once logically explained, "Bunnie what were you, Rotor, and Sonic doing before we got here?"

"Let's see, Rotor and I found our way into the burning village and we came across Sonic and that Mina gal. Basically we were informed that little Tails was kidnapped by Metal Sonic, who so happened to be the one who most likely attacked the village. After that the three of us, but mostly me, set out to find and rescue Tails, and that's when you came along," Bunnie informed as quickly as possible, as she could see Sonic crossing his arms, growing impatient.

"I see, meanwhile me and Antoine were able to track down Amy and find out she had made a deal with a mercenary, who I was able to take prisoner. Afterwards we set out to track down that ungrateful pink hedgehog, who plans to capture Sonic," Sally returned the favor giving her side of the story over to Bunnie, while Sonic began to tap his foot.

"So what do we do from here?" Bunnie questioned still holding the idiotic Rotor who wouldn't give up trying to wiggle free.

"I say we help Antoine get out from under this fat lard," Antoine gasped as he failed another attempt to slither out. The group looked over at the pathetic Antoine for a second before going back to their conversation.

"I say we split up again…" Sally began before being cut off by the very impatient blue hedgehog.

"I'm waiting!" Sonic said giving an angry eye to Sally, who replied by not replying, can you even do that?

"As I was saying, we should split up, me, Antoine, and Sonic will go save Tails, you and Rotor go after Amy," Sally planned.

"No," Rotor said with a shake of disapproval, "I want to save Tails."

"Fine you and Bunnie go save Tails, me, Antoine, and Sonic will hunt down Rose," Sally compromised.

"Wait, why does Sonic get to go with you?" Rotor questioned as his face became angry.

"Why does it matter who Sonic goes with?" Sally asked in return along with a groan.

"Well if it doesn't matter, then Sonic should go with us," Rotor explained with a nod.

"It doesn't matter now what happens, I will never give up…" Sonic began to sing off topic, just taking in snippets of the ongoing conversation, as his patience level was about to burst.

"No, Sonic is coming with me," Sally told Rotor in a tone that highlighted, if you're going to mess with me you better be bringing it hard.

"Oh really," Rotor smirked.

"Rotor shut up, don't get Sally mad," Bunnie whispered in his invisible ear, as she continued to grasp him in her robotic hand.

"Rotor if you speak back to me one more time, I'm gonna…" Sally began not clear where she was headed with this.

"You're gonna what?" Rotor asked finally stopping his ongoing squirming.

"I'm gonna fucking execute you myself, you tubby fat obese son of a fucking cunt dickhead covered in a bag of horrible weed shoved in the lower regions of Eggman! How dare you speak to your Princess, your leader, your future ruler like that!" Sally screamed as her mental state most likely snapped, or her blood pressure had exploded, or whichever one you find more suitable for this situation.

"Oh my stars," Bunnie gasped to herself.

"That's it I'm outta here, you folks can eat my dust," Sonic shouted before blasting off at full speed, literally kicking up a huge cloud of dust, right in the Freedom Fighters faces.

"See what you did," Sally coughed swiping her arms to clear the dust from her face.

"What I did?" Rotor whined tumbling off the ground, as Bunnie had dropped him when Sonic tore off.

"Rotor, get out of here, you are suspended of your duties as a Freedom Fighter, and until you learn your place, it will stay that way," Sally commanded as she began to settle down again.

"Fine, I don't need you anyway, I'll go rescue Tails by myself," Rotor cried waddling away at full speed, tripping several times as tears swelled in his eyes. The other three organisms stood watching him pathetically run away until Bunnie broke the silence.

"Do you think that was completely necessary, dear?" Bunnie questioned softly almost afraid to set Sally off again.

"It was certainly necessary, and as for you, you're not on my nice list either," Sally said crossing her arms and giving her infamous stare of death at Bunnie. "Now Bunnie, I want you to go find Amy and arrest her under the name of the Freedom Fighters. Antoine and I will go chase down Sonic and hopefully rescue Tails, and if Rotor gets in are way, don't be surprised if we're having fried walrus tomorrow," Sally ordered.

"Yes ma'am," Bunnie replied with a face of confusion and disapproval, before giving a salute "Hail Sally," and marching off.

"Antoine, let's go, we have a job to do," Sally said before following the burned up trail of grass left behind by Sonic.

"Of course my Princess," Antoine coughed as he began clawing his way on the ground, as the ever so fat Fang continued to weigh him down.


	11. Sonic's Adventure in Dreaming

"I'm rolling around at the speed of sound; got places to go got to follow my rainbow…" Sonic sang as he blasted off through the Great Forest, once again forgetting the purpose of this whole story. Though things were about to change for this hedgehog, things that would haunt him forever, and by that I mean he was about to trip on a pebble and fall head first into the soil, which proceeded to happen. "Wow, I'm falling," Sonic announced to the emptiness around him, before impacting on the ground with a groan. Luckily for our hero the damage done on his head wasn't anything serious, since falling face first into the ground had become a running gag of the Sonic franchise. Though either way Sonic was out cold, maybe the knock had rendered him unconscious, or he just fell asleep, which would be typical of him.

"Woah, where am I? It can't be Heaven, cause my body is already that," Sonic grinned to himself, taking a good look around at the abstract world around him. He seemed to be floating in nothing except streaks of light, which appeared pointless except for being there to give the scene a better description. "Whelp, you know what they say kids, when in the regions of the unknown always have a blue speeding hedgehog by your side, unless your color blind, cause that hedgehog might not be blue," Sonic informed giving a wag of his finger before taking it and happily picking his ear with it.

"Hey Sonic boy, long time no see," a familiar yet unfamiliar; wait if you take familiar minus the familiar; an unrecognizable voice spoke from behind our protagonist.

"Hey, what did I tell you people about using my greeting line? What did I say kids? I want you to take out a marker or some type of writing utensil and write what I said about people using my greeting, put it right here: (This is where you're suppossed to write the answer, but I sadly took up the space with these informative words)," Sonic ordered without even turning around to see who had let out the line in the first place.

"Sonny, who are you talking too?" the voice questioned placing its hand on Sonic's shoulder, forcing him to turn around in a move to jump back.

"Hey you're touching me in a place that makes me feel uncomfortable, so first I'm gonna say, no, and now I'm…" Sonic began before he took a good look at the culprit. "Hey you're me with a mustache and eyebrows, are you an original fan character that I shouldn't steal?" Sonic asked rubbing his chin.

"What, no it's me, your Uncle Chuck, remember I raised you, with your best friend Muttski," Uncle Chuck explained revealing another shocking plot twist, that the voice was actually him.

"Hmm, are you a Ken Penders' character, if so, you should get outta of here, you don't belong to the Sonic franchise anymore," Sonic told Chuck giving him a slight push.

"No Sonic, I'm Uncle Chuck," Chuck sighed. Sonic stared back rubbing his chin ever so slowly, though he was doing this for no reason, as he could not produce a single thought, except for the word: fast.

"Wait, are you related to someone?" Sonic asked.

"Yes, Sonic I'm your uncle," Chuck exclaimed in annoyance of how stupid his nephew was. Sonic squinted before glancing up to what would be the sky if there was one in this realm.

"Hey, there's no sun here, that's a bummer," Sonic said still glancing up to the strange streaks of light. "Wait, your my Uncle?" Sonic shouted as Chuck's words finally hit him.

"Yes, and this is your pet dog Muttski," Uncle Chuck answered, pointing to a dog sitting to the right of him, that responded by flopping over and drooling.

"No, this can't be happening, I don't have family members!" Sonic yelled quickly backing away.

"Of course you have family members," a nasally voice rang out from behind, making Sonic quickly do a turn to face both Uncle Chuck and the other characters, who will be revealed in a few lines, if you haven't guessed it already.

"Oh no, more recolorings of me," Sonic gasped almost falling back, but since his head was so heavy he swung up.

"It's us Sonic, your brother and sister, Sonia and Manic," Sonia explained in her annoying voice that was obviously being portrayed by a guy.

"Holy shit, it's all coming back to me, all of the shitty characters that Sega and other companies have added in over the years, you guys are so pointless, you're so unoriginal," Sonic cried as the three hedgehogs moved slowly closer to him, "And you're slow too."

"What are you talking about, Sonia is a very original name, and so is Manic," Sonia told Sonic with a frown.

"Yeah dude, like my name is as original as this blunt of weed I'm smoking," Manic said as he pulled the homemade cigar from his mouth and let out a cloud of smoke.

"Please leave me alone, all I ever wanted was to go fast," Sonic cried burying his head in his hands as tears began to flow. The three other hedgehogs looked at each other for a second before going back to watching the crying Sonic.

"Sonic don't cry, we're not here to kill you, we're only here to help," Uncle Chuck explained, kneeling down next to Sonic and patting him on his back.

"Get away you creep!" Sonic shouted, doing a backwards spin dash before jumping up and juicing full speed away from his family. "Ha, I got away from those weirdoes, kids there's nothing more cool then running away from your problems, I mean it works for me all the time," Sonic smirked before stopping back in front of his waiting relatives.

"Hey bro, your back," Manic half said half mumbled, obviously high as shit.

"What the hell, I just… I… never mind, gotta juice," Sonic said before shooting off again, only to find himself repeating this process several more times, before finally realizing that wherever he went his idiotic bloodline would surely appear. "What kind of place is this?" Sonic yelled up to where the sky would be, falling to his knees, and then hugging himself tightly.

"Calm down, Sonic none of this is real, this realm is your mind," the imaginary figure that represented Sonia explained.

"Wait, I have a mind?" Sonic said quizzically, stopping his fit in the split of a second.

"Of course Sonic, you just don't use it much, you almost never use it to be precise," Chuck informed with a sigh of relief.

"Oh that's good, cause I hate you guys," Sonic said still sitting on the ground with the usual expression of having his eyelids half down.

"Sonic, some tiny intelligent part of your mind created us when you blacked out or fell asleep, we're here to guide you, we're kind of like your guardian angels," Sonia said as Sonic stared straight ahead letting out a yawn.

"I don't need guidance, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest thing alive and when I'm dead I'll be fast too," Sonic commented, tapping his fingers on the ground, if you would call it that.

"Oh really, then do you remember what you're supposed to be doing?" Sonia asked with a frown.

"Yeah, I go fast," Sonic answered with a chill nod of the head.

"No, what are you supposed to be doing besides going fast?" Sonia questioned back.

"I save the world sometimes, am I doing that?" Sonic replied in question.

"You're getting warmer," Sonia confirmed.

"I didn't know I could get any hotter than this," Sonic smiled to himself.

"Back on topic, Sonny," Uncle Chuck ordered snapping his finger.

"Um, I guess I should be fighting Eggman," Sonic said.

"And who usually helps you fight Eggman, that's not you?" Sonia cut back in.

"Hmm, I was going to say me, but… oh yeah, my little buddy, Tails," Sonic nodded in agreement with himself.

"Good, and where is Tails?" Sonia smiled as she knew Sonic was about to finally catch on.

"Where is who?" Sonic asked, still unmoving from the same sitting position. Sonia sat there for a second before her eye began to twitch and she started laughing manically.

"What's so funny?" Sonic wondered, looking over to Uncle Chuck, whose face was frozen in a fit of rage.

"Hey Manic, what's wrong with these two?" Sonic questioned his brother.

"I'm flying dude," Manic replied, not ceasing any moment of smoking his weed.

"Cool, whelp I can see you guys are busy, so I'm gonna wake up now and go save Tails," Sonic informed, standing up and adjusting his gloves.

"Wait you're going to…" Sonia began, realizing that her brother had finally figured out the message they were trying to relay this whole time, but she was cut off as Sonic awoke from his boring dream. Sonic pulled his head from the dirt relatively quick, taking in a deep gasp of air before swinging himself up to his two feet.

"That was a terrible experience, now I remember why I don't use my mind, and also why I don't go home for the holidays anymore," Sonic said to himself as he brushed off some dirt, and gave the both of his legs a shake. "Ugh, well… hmm," Sonic murmured as a leaf blew by his face, once again forgetting the whole point this chapter was trying to convey. Though luckily for him the ever so wonderful Rotor found his way to the same opening as Sonic.

"Hey Sonic, have you found Tails yet?" Rotor asked huffing and puffing into view.

"Oh hey fat walrus guy, no I haven't, but that metal guy is holding something that looks exactly like Tails," Sonic replied pointing up to Metal Sonic who had just appeared on the scene, along with some new orders from Robotnik.

"Tails!" Rotor shouted in joy.

"Oh fucking shit, why the hell is that child predator here?" Tails shouted, trying to turn to see Rotor, but since he was flung over Metal's shoulder, that was impossible.

"Sonic, I came to let you apologize for…" Shadow began as he entered the clearing before bumping into Vanilla, who was glaring him down. "I assure you, I'm not a child predator," Shadow ensured for the second time today, once again without successful results.

"Don't worry Tails, me, Sonic the Hedgehog, will save you," Sonic told Tails who replied with a frown. Metal still hovered over Sonic, his eyes glowing a brighter red by the minute. "What do you want metal head?" Sonic questioned while rubbing his nose.

"New mission, destroy Sonic," Metal replied, tossing Tails from his shoulder, who landed not too far off in a nearby bush.

"Okay if that's what you want, let's do it to it," Sonic smirked, switching to a fighting stance, "Remember children, don't fight an evil robotic version of yourself without a parent's permission."


	12. Bean 1v1s Storm

"Jet, Jet are you okay?" Wave shouted, jumping off her board and dashing into the burnt up wreckage. Storm wasn't too far behind, pulling up to the crash site as Wave jumped off, and in a second he found himself running up to Wave. The two stared at a blackened crispy looking figure that slightly resembled Jet.

"Oh no, we're too late…" Storm gulped, trying to hold back the coming tears.

"Why, why did he have to die so young, why?" Wave cried falling to her knees as a trail of tears flew down her cheeks. Though before they could become too depressed, a sound rang out from the body, as two eyelids cracked open revealing two very alive eyes.

"Jet… you're alive," Wave half cheered half cried going to hug the badly injured hawk.

"I wouldn't do that, we need to get this guy some medical help," Storm informed, grabbing Wave by the shoulder and holding her back.

"You're right, but we need…" Wave started before a weird almost screeching sound flew out of Jet's toasty beak. The other two Rogues took this as a warning and swung around to face the relentless Bean the Dynamite, relaxing on his speeder.

"Sup friends, I've missed you, it seems like it was since chapter nine since I last saw you," Bean greeted with his infamous trollish grin.

"Oh God, can't you get a clue, leave us alone!" Wave shouted with a stamp of her foot.

"Sorry, but Clue sucks," Bean reacted, throwing the board game Clue at Wave, who flinched as it landed centimeters from her feet.

"Fine, if you want a fight that's what you're gonna get," Storm promised, giving the typical punch mocking gesture of punching one hand into the other.

"Okay, you're the ones who bothered us in the first place, but I'll 1v1 you bro," Bean told Storm while punching the air in front of him.

"Then get off your bike and face me like a man," Storm challenged.

"Well I'm a duck, and you're an albatross, so… let's do it," Bean cheered jumping off his speeder and falling straight down to the ground, forgetting that Fiona Fox was tied to his back, and unknown to him he couldn't carry the extra weight.

"What seems to be the problem, ducky?" Storm mocked with a smirk, towering over the lying Bean who looked up with a smile.

"The problem seems to be 2+2," Bean answered sliding a worksheet with the mentioned question next to Storm's feet.

"Wow, this is gonna be easier than I thought," Storm grinned, ready to bring a world of hurt, but he sadly spoke too soon. Just as Storm went in for the kill, Bark slowly pulled up next to Bean's parked speeder. Ever so slowly the polar bear turned his head giving Storm the eyes of the devil, burning into his soul. Storm froze in place staring back at Bark with a mix of fear and hatred; the two seemed to lock into this stare down, with Bean watching joyously as the unconscious Fiona drooled on his back.

"What, are you just going to sit there all day, come on bring it tough boy," Wave finally broke the silence, pointing towards the bear. Bark switched his glare to Wave for a second, before letting out a grunt and charging full speed ahead at Storm.

"Yeah, bring it you mute bitch!" Storm yelled winding up a punch for the incoming Bark, who quickly swept down, grabbed his arm and kneed him in the gut repeatedly. Wave came charging in from behind jumping to grab Bark by the neck area, though this was countered as Bark swiftly picked up Storm and swung him around like a baseball bat, knocking wave back into a nearby tree, which resulted in the tree cracking in half and falling on top Wave.

"Woo!" Bean cheered as he shoved a mouthful of popcorn into his mouth. Bark let out another grunt before grabbing Storm by both ends and smashing his spine onto his awaiting knee, Storm reacted with an inaudible scream, as he tumbled to the awaiting ground. Jet meanwhile let out a cry, trying to find anyway to escape, but it was too late as Bark was already looming over him, letting out heavy breaths onto Jet's terrified face. In split of a second Bark had pounded Jet's severely burned head into the ground. "Wow, that was amazing, I'm glad I thought of that plan," Bean lied which of course meant he was still trolling, as Bark made his way over to him.

Bark then proceeded to pick up Bean and look at him with his standard expression, before untying the knot that held him and Fiona together, letting them both fall to the ground.

"Whoa, that went almost as fast as me, Bean, the fastest thing alive," Bean told Bark, swinging himself up to his feet in one big leap. Bark let out a heavy breath before burying his face back into his scarf, letting his forever glaring eyes peep out. "Well, where were we before we met up with these bozos?" Bean questioned the silent Bark, before turning to the lying fox behind him, "Hey Fiona, where were we?" Of course there was no answer from the knocked out Fiona, but Bean was determined to get one. "Hey Foxy, wake up," Bean ordered poking Fiona repeatedly in the head; this lasted for about three minutes and twenty-seven seconds before her face began to twitch.

"Mmh, Sonic stop, you know I hate when you do that," Fiona mumbled as she began to awake, half dreaming, "Sonic dear, why don't you show me why they call you fastest thing alive."

"Hey Fiona, wake the hell up, stop dreaming about Sonic!" Bean screamed at the top of his lungs, grabbing the fox and violently shaking her.

"Aggh!" Fiona screamed back as her eyes shot open, shaking up and down.

"Oh you're awake, that's good," Bean calmly said, letting go of Fiona and then giving her one more poke in the face.

"What the hell is going on?" Fiona questioned, putting her hand to her head, trying to get the constant paint to stop, as her vision began to refocus.

"Oh, Bark knocked you unconscious, and then I beat the shit out of these guys, who attacked us for no reason," Bean falsely summed up the events of the past couple of chapters featuring him. Fiona's eyelids sank down and her mouth became a half frown, staring back at the idiotic Bean.

"We are so not getting ice cream now," Fiona told Bean as she pulled herself off the ground, giving her back a stretch.

"What?" Bean shouted jumping back in shock, as his mouth gapped open.

"Come on, if I remember correctly, and if I haven't received any brain damage, we were going to go find some red guy, who could help us find the emerald," Fiona said waiting for reinsurance from her team members. Bark replied with a grunt and Bean continued to sit to with the same shocked face. "I'll take that as a yes, and… we only have two speeders," Fiona sighed turning to see the parked bikes close by. "Come on let's go, Bark and Bean you ride together," Fiona ordered as she hopped onto one of the awaiting speeders, Bark of course followed her lead, and Bean continued to remain frozen in the same spot. It quickly grew on Fiona that Bean wasn't gonna move until he heard what he wanted. "Bean, we'll get ice cream, but only if you get on that speeder with Bark now," she commanded with a tap of her fingers.

"Oh boy, here we go bro," Bean smiled, sliding onto the bike behind Bark in a mere blink. Bean's two other teammates looked at him with the typical thought of annoyance, before revving up their engines and flying off in the direction of Angel Island. Meanwhile we join Mighty and Ray who so happen to be watching the situation from a nearby bush.

"Whelp, there they go again, off to go find Knuckles I presume," Ray observed watching the three speeders zoom off into the sun.

"Yeah, and we almost had the right moment to strike," Mighty replied as he squinted towards the direction of the distant speeders.

"Well, when is the right moment to strike, I mean we could have easily jumped them then, but you wouldn't let us," Ray complained.

"Trust me Ray, I know what I'm doing, as a matter of fact we better get going now if we want to…" Mighty began as he started forwards before tripping and flopping to the grass.

"Are you okay?" Ray questioned, running towards Mighty, but suddenly stopping, "Mighty, look!"

"What?" Mighty asked brushing himself off as he got up, turning to see what Ray was looking at, "Holy cow." The two hobos stared at the object that had made Mighty lose his balance, the top of a chaos emerald, peeping from the ground.


	13. Knuckles Commits Suicide Due to this Fic

Meanwhile with the Chaotix.

"Boss look!" Charmy screamed to the humming Vector, who responded with a jump and a quick wave of anger sweeping over him.

"What is it Charmy?" Vector questioned with a frown.

"I drew you another picture, this time you don't have that stupid grin on your face and the bathtub's filled with weed," Charmy exclaimed holding up another picture he somehow managed to create while flying. Vector swiped the paper from Charmy and tore it in two, before pulling out a lighter and setting it on fire, while Charmy watched wide-eyed.

"That's what I think of your art," Vector informed making rude eye contact with Charmy.

"Wow, you loved it so much that you destroyed it, so nobody else could get their hands on it," Charmy replied with a smile as tears of joy came seeping from his eyes. Vector's left eye twitched before he falsely smiled.

"Of course, Charmy," Vector said, not wanting Charmy to go into one of his fits.

"Yeah!" Charmy cheered doing several backflips in the air, before stopping to catch his breath, and then repeating the process.

"How long till we see the island?" Vector questioned Espio, who was deep in thought, not responding to Vector's question. "Hey Espio!" Vector shouted at the top of his lungs, making Espio almost literally jump out of his skin.

"Hey don't yell!" Charmy screamed back in a middle of a flip.

"Charmy shut the hell up!" Vector ordered with a quick turn of his head.

"Everyone, calm down, can't we have one minute without anyone yelling in my ear?" Espio asked in annoyance as his heartbeat started to return to its prior settings.

"You have ears?" Charmy said quizzically in return. Espio sighed watching as the little bee began doing repeated flips in the air again. "Stop doing that, you're gonna get dizzy, or even worse you'll get sick," Espio suggested in complete utter honesty.

"No I won't… no wait… I don't feel good…" Charmy began before a stream of warm partially digested materials, bursts from his mouth on to Vector's face.

"My eyes!" Vector screamed, tumbling forward towards an awaiting cliff.

"Boss!" Espio shouted alarmed, about to see a close friend fall to their doom.

"Hey look, it's Angel Island, just like that pink lady said, near a cliff, but floating high above it," Charmy said as he wiped puke from his mouth. Just as Vector came near the last inch of land, he stopped, flailing his arms in place trying to swing himself back towards the other direction.

"Don't worry I got you," Espio ensured, rushing forward and grabbing Vector by the arm, and then pulling the crocodile towards himself. Without much effort Vector flew forwards onto Espio, crushing him beneath his weight.

"Great job guys, you worked together, and now Vector is safe," Charmy cheered, "This calls for more backflips!" Vector quickly pushed himself up and without hesitation he wiped Charmy's chunkage from his face and flung it to the ground. He then turned to the bee who was once again doing backflips, and grabbed him by the area where the neck should be, if Sonic characters had necks.

"Listen here you little piece of shit, I can only put up with so much before I snap, and you don't want me to snap do you?" Vector threatened with bloodshot eyes that seemed to grow redder by the minute. Charmy gulped as sweat began pouring down his face, he shook his head no without much effort. "Good, now you're going to listen to me, and do what I tell you to do," Vector continued with Charmy nodding his head in agreement. Vector continued to make the bee feel unwelcome for a few more seconds before tossing him to the ground. Charmy sat there as tears began to drizzle down his cheeks. "First things first, stop crying," Vector commanded as the flow of tears ceased to exist on Charmy's face. "And you, get yourself together," Vector told the lying Espio who was twitching awkwardly.

"I can't feel my legs," was Espio's response, spitting a tooth out from his mouth with a small puddle of blood. Vector shook his head and disappointment before swiping up Espio and cracking his limbs back into place.

"Ow," Espio commented in the most nonchalant voice possible as he was placed back on the ground.

"Okay, now that everything is settled, we can get on with my plan," Vector said to his two companions who both looked as if they had been run over by a truck. "Charmy you need to fly us up to that island, pronto," Vector ordered tapping the bee on the head, who flew off the ground with a sigh.

"Hey give me that hat!" Amy screamed dashing up from behind the Chaotix, jumping up and tumbling Charmy and herself off the cliff.

"What the…?" Espio let out in surprise as another tooth popped from him mouth onto the ground.

"Whelp the bee's dead, thank God the pink hedgehog did that, I couldn't take much more of him," Vector smiled, peering over the cliff to the deadly waters below.

Now my dear readers, this is the end of the story because Amy and Charmy are dead, and they were obviously the main characters, so there is nothing more to write about, good day.

No wait what's this, I feel like this actually isn't the end, mostly because just ending it there would be the biggest douche move ever, so the show will go on, but in order for that to happen we must travel a bit back in time.

We find ourselves on Angel Island, with are Echidna friend Knuckles, who was doing his lively activity of guarding the Master Emerald and listening to hip-hop/rap. "You can call me Knuckles, unlike Sonic I don't chuckle," Knuckles' boom box blasted at max volume as he stared up into the clouds.

"That one's a cloud… hmm, that one looks kinda like a cloud, and that one is definitely a cloud," Knuckles said to himself, lying on the steps leading up to the Emerald. Though his peace that usually lasted on a weekly bases was about to come to its end again, as the soft yet annoying sounds of bickering and screaming began to dig into knuckles' unseen ears. At first the echidna tried ignoring it like he usually did when something started clawing at his nerves, but this failed typically for the short tempered Knuckles. "Why can't people just leave me in peace, it's probably Sonic fighting that fat Eggman again," Knuckles complained to himself trying to turn the volume of the music up louder, not realizing it had already reached its highest setting. "Work you piece of crap!" Knuckles shouted as he twisted the knob even harder, snapping it right off, "Are you…"

Knuckles stopped and took in a deep breath trying to concentrate on his inner peace, yet the sound of annoyance only seemed to grow extremely louder to a point where it became ear rape.

"I had enough!" Knuckles screamed, kicking his stereo, which went smashing down the steps, resulting in it exploding before reaching the bottom. Knuckles paid no attention to this as he jumped from the stairs and glided to the ground of the floating island, where he began marching in the direction of the dreaded noise. When he finally reached the end of the floating isle, he found himself taking in the view he had come to known, it was beautiful, lush green wildlife as far as the eye could see, but this scene was always ruined by the depressing thought of the idiotic morons that fought over and populated this land. Knuckles almost forgot about the reason he came to location in the first place, but how could he when it was right in front of his face. The echidna peered down to see the familiar faces of the Chaotix, who seemed to be arguing over something, as Knuckles could plainly see Vector throw Charmy to the ground and scold him, before picking up and rearranging what appeared to be an injured Espio.

"Huh, I wonder what these guys want?" Knuckles questioned himself not making any rash decisions, by staying put. Vector continued to chatter on for a bit, but something caught Knuckles' eye, it was a familiar pink figure dashing up from behind the Chaotix. Just as he figured out it was Sonic's stalker, Amy, both Charmy and the pink hedgehog went tumbling over the edge, falling towards their demise. "Holy shit!" Knuckles shouted as he saw Amy grab the hat that Charmy had on his head for whatever reason, and began hugging it tightly. Charmy responded by staring and then letting out loud sobs, which resulted in Amy slapping him in the face before hugging the hat happily again. Without much thought Knuckles leaped off the island straight down to the endangered beings.

"Boss look, Knuckles just jumped down from the island," Espio informed, pointing towards the falling Knuckles as Vector continued to peer over the edge.

"He probably wants to kill himself, due to this fan fiction being so terrible," Vector commented watching the falling echidna, "Or maybe Penders came back."

"But boss, if Knuckles perishes, are whole reason for coming here and the hopes of finding the chaos emerald are ruined," Espio explained, rubbing his still sore jaw.

"Oh I hate when you're right," Vector sighed.

"But I am usually right," Espio said in reply.

"That's why I hate you period," Vector reacted turning to the purple chameleon, who looked back with his typical frown.

Meanwhile Knuckles had swooped down grabbing Amy and the crying bee, who could fly, but instead decided that crying was a much better thing to do at the time.

"Whoa, Knuckles!" Amy shouted surprised as Knuckles used all of his strength to swing himself up and glide towards the ledge.

"Knuckles!" Amy shouted again while Charmy continued to cry at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up!" Knuckles yelled as he was about to reach the incoming cliff, though unable to grasp it, as both of his hands were full, "Shit." Just as Knuckles was about to tumble back down towards the unforgiving waters, a strong yet friendly hand clutched him by his one arm.

"Sup, bitch?" Vector greeted with his dumb grin, staring down at the unamused Knuckles, "Give me a hand Espio and let's pull these douches up."

"Of course," Espio said grabbing Vector by the back and pulling with all his weight. Vector not needing Espio's help, easily pulled up the trio and gently placed them on the ground as Espio continued to pull. "Espio stop being gay," Vector ordered pushing Espio back with his hand.

"Sonic you saved me… I mean Knuckles you saved me!" Amy cheered jumping out of the echidna's arm, placing her newly acquired hat on her head, and giving a quick twirl. Knuckles replied with a grunt before dropping the now whimpering Charmy to the ground.

"Well Knuckles how long has it been, it's good to see you buddy," Vector smiled falsely bringing out his hand for a shake.

"What do you want?" Knuckles asked, not even glancing at the awaiting hand.

"Funny you may ask… um… boys grab him!" Vector shouted resulting in Charmy suddenly jumping to life and grabbing Knuckles' leg as Espio ran forward tackling the shocked echidna.

"Hey what the hell do you think you're doing?" Amy asked in surprise, as she watched the chameleon and the bee hold the struggling Knuckles in place.

"Yeah, what the hell is this?" Knuckles shouted as he tried to break the grip of Espio and shake the annoying Charmy from his leg.

"Good question, too bad we don't answer questions," Vector smirked evilly, rubbing his hands together.

"Sir, don't you think this is a little bit over the top?" Espio asked as he tried his best to keep Knuckles still.

"Like I said we don't answer questions," Vector said in response.

"Boss I'm being serious…" Espio began before being smashed in the side of the face with a piko piko hammer, making him lose his grip and go flying back towards the woods, colliding with a tree, which caused for another tooth to pop right on out.

"Let him go you fiends," Amy yelled, holding her hammer up high, ready to bring the pain.

"Aggh!" Charmy screamed, jumping off Knuckles' leg and flying off towards the forest at full speed.

"Get back here you coward!" Vector ordered without any response from Charmy. Vector turned to both Knuckles and Amy with a gulp, "Look at the time, I should scadoodle." Knuckles reacted swiftly landing an uppercut in Vector's jaw, knocking him down.

"Okay friend, you're going to tell me what the fuck is going on," Knuckles commanded, stepping on Vector and pinning him to the ground.

"Fine, just don't hurt me anymore. We found out Eggman was paying a high price to whoever brought him the seventh and final chaos emerald he needed to complete his collection. Of course I… I mean we wanted the money, so me and the boys came here to kidnap you, since we knew you had a knack for finding emeralds," Vector explained as beads of sweat slowly ran down his scales.

"Are you serious, you stupid greedy bastard, can't you for once think about others before yourself? How pathetic, you're lucky you caught me in a good mood today, cause I expect better from you," Knuckles scolded before hopping off the scared shitless Vector and walking towards the forest. Amy in the meantime had put her hammer away and was daydreaming about Sonic again.

"Oh Sonic you're the sweetest," Amy said to herself batting her eyelashes.

"No Amy, the taste of my lips are the sweetest," the imaginary Sonic replied leaning in for a kiss. Though before her daydream could reach its climax, she saw the boiling hot Knuckles march off into the woods, where she had come from minutes earlier.

"Hey Sonic… I mean Knuckles, wait up!" Amy shouted, sprinting after Knuckles and accidently stepping on Espio's head.

"Ow," Espio moaned, expecting another tooth to fall out.

"I'm somewhat sorry," Amy half apologized before disappearing into the forest. Moments later she reappeared and quickly kicked Espio in the head, and then once again shot off. This time a tooth popped out in front of the depressed and injured Espio.

"Well at least I'll be getting a visit from the Tooth Fairy tonight," Espio laughed to himself, followed by a sigh.


	14. Sonic Comes Close to the Sun But Fails

"Ow, my God damn head," Tails moaned, pulling himself out of the bush he had landed in, and rubbing his dome.

"Oh Tails, are you all right?" Rotor questioned as he came waddling over as fast as he could possibly move, falling over about two times in the process.

"I was fine until you got here," Tails answered Rotor, who picked him up and began hugging and squeezing the fox against his will.

"I love you Tails!" Rotor exclaimed with a giggle as he hugged the poor fox even tighter.

"And I fucking despise your existence," Tails puffed, as he could hardly breath, before Rotor let up and began kissing him on the cheek. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're a sick son of a bitch," Tails said forcing himself back and slipping out of Rotor's hands, before giving his tails a twirl and flying up on top of a nearby tree.

"No, come back, Rotor loves you!" Rotor cried, running up to the trunk of the tree and bashing against it with all of his might, as he failed to claw his way up.

"Seriously get loss, you fat lard," Tails ordered in fury, giving a very dark toned expression to the one dimensional character below, but that is pretty much every Sonic character.

"Fine, I will just sit and wait, you'll have to come down at some point," Rotor smiled creepily before plopping down on the green grass below and starring with very unwavering eyes up to Tails. They glared at each other; much like the two Sonics had been doing for the last couple of minutes. Metal continued to hover above the ground scanning the smiling flesh Sonic before him.

"So are we just gonna chillax all day or am I going to win?" Sonic smirked giving a flick of his finger before tapping his foot impatiently, "I'm waiting!" Metal replied with a few more seconds of the constant hum of his engines, before blasting off at hyper drive into Sonic. "Whoa!" Sonic screamed, flying back into the woods and out of the convenient clearing.

"Sonic!" Tails shouted, turning his attention to the ongoing battle and away from the pedophilic Rotor.

Sonic fastly pulled himself from the ground and darted his head around looking for Metal who had disappeared. "Where are you, you pile of fan favorite scrap metal?" Sonic questioned, just as Metal came bursting down through the tree tops, smashing Sonic into the dirt. "Ugh… hey kids, this is the part where you start playing Stardust Speedway music as loud as possible, and if someone tells you to turn it down, first you say: fuck off, and then you get out of there," Sonic informed as he spit a large mound of dirt from his mouth. Metal quickly grabbed Sonic by the quills, spinning him around with a slap, and kneeing him hard in the face repeatedly. "Is that all you got, garbage bin?" Sonic continued to ask smart ass questions that he would receive no answer to, before getting punched square in the face. Sonic was then clutched by the neck region as Metal blasted off straight into the sky above.

"Hey this is great, I can see some guy's house from here, and look there's the sun," Sonic informed as blood began flowing from his mouth and nose, falling like rain drops to the ground below. Metal didn't respond to any of this as he rose higher and higher into the sky. "Hey if we keep going, we may be able to reach the sun, also I feel like somebody's sucking up all my air," Sonic commented feeling dizzy and lightheaded as Metal came to a halt, letting a stream of Sonic's blood land on his shiny paint job. "Oops, sorry about that," Sonic falsely apologized, wiping the blood from his face, and then smearing it on Metal's in return. Without warning Metal hurled Sonic forwards to the far off surface below. "Oh no, I'm falling," Sonic sighed without much of a care in the world as he fell to his awaiting death.

"Antoine do you see that?" Sally questioned as she was still on the search for Sonic, unaware that the blue falling object above was her hero.

"It is very hard to see when you are crawling on the ground," Antoine huffed as he continued to claw his way after Sally.

"NICOLE can you identify that falling object?" Sally asked, slipping NICOLE out of her pocket and flipping her open.

"Of course Sally, just give me a second to calculate," the Holo-Lynx replied, generating from the device held in Sally's hand. "The object is identified as Sonic the Hedgehog, according to my readings he is falling to his death most likely due to a higher elevated object, which appears to be Metal Sonic," NICOLE informed with a frown which Sally shared as she heard the news.

"Thanks NICOLE, come on Antoine, Sonic needs us more than ever!" Sally shouted as she slipped NICOLE back into her pocket and dashed off ahead of the ever so faithful Antoine.

"Merde," Antoine murmured under his breath as he began dragging himself after Sally once again.

"Oh no… oh no," Tails franticly spoke to himself trying to chew on his nails, which wasn't possible since they were being covered by his gloves.

"Tails what's wrong?" Rotor asked slightly turning his head, very concerned about the little fox. Tails didn't respond but instead continued to act nervous, attempting to pace back in forth, before tripping and falling from the treetop. "Tails!" Rotor screamed jumping up, ready to run over to the stressed out fox.

"Don't you even think about it," Tails said pulling, himself off the ground and smacking his head repeatedly, "Come on Tails, there has to be away for you to save Sonic."

"Save Sonic, from what?" Rotor questioned as he slowly inched his way closer to Tails.

"From falling to an untimely death, you idiot," Tails shouted in frustration as he clenched his fists.

"And how do we do that?" Rotor continued to ask as he seemed to hover across the ground towards the eight-year-old fox.

"We need something to break his fall," Tails answered rubbing his chin and deeply thinking, trying to push the threat of time, to the back of his mind. Meanwhile Sonic had once again fallen asleep, not giving a shit about meeting his demise.

"Mmh… huh, oh hey I'm still falling," Sonic nonchalantly spoke as his eyes fluttered open from his light dreamless sleep.

"Okay, I think we can use… Rotor look out!" Tails began before seeing Sonic coming in fast and furious, well mostly just fast.

"What?" Rotor said dumfounded, stopping in place, and peering up just in time to see Sonic about to smash him into the ground.

"Hey fatty," Sonic greeted before coming into contact with Rotor full force, smashing the walrus down into the soil below, and tumbling over into the nearby tree with a crack. Tails saw all of this flash before his eyes; afterwards he sat there for a moment trying to comprehend what had just happened. Though before this process could be completed, Sally came rushing into the scene right over to the badly injured Hedgehog.

"Sonic… Tails what happened?" Sally asked, kneeling down next to the bruised Sonic who appeared lifeless.

"Um… Rotor… it… tree," Tails said, jumbling his racing thoughts out in a nonsensical language.

"Tails dear calm down, take a deep breath and calm down," Sally ordered almost hypocritically as her mind was racing a mile a minute.

"Okay, I was kidnaped by Metal Sonic, but Sonic came to save me, so the two engaged in combat, while Rotor tried to molest me, and then Metal took Sonic up into the heavens and hurled him straight down onto Rotor, and then you showed up," Tails explained as quickly as possible as he let out big puffs of air.

"Thank you Tails, I want you to stay where you are, I'll handle everything," Sally commanded, turning her attention back to Sonic.

"Sonic wake up, wake up!" Sally screamed as she began pounding on his chest repeatedly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tails shouted, snapping out of his shocked state and returning to his logical senses, "Stand back, and let someone who actually thinks do this."

"Tails watch your mouth, I told you to stand there," Sally reacted before putting her ear up to Sonic's chest, listening for a heartbeat, "Damn, nothing, only one thing left to try."

"Sally don't tell me what to do, I'm an independent young fox…" Tails started to rant, outraged at Sally's supposed authority.

"Tails, shut up!" Sally yelled before opening Sonic's mouth and attempting mouth to mouth CPR, which quickly turned into Sally smooching all over Sonic's face.

"Stop, he needs medical help, not kisses, you fucking nut," Tails cut in, pushing Sally off of Sonic and giving her a rude gesture with his middle finger.

"Tails who do you think you are?" Sally asked, grinding her teeth and swinging herself up to face the little fox.

"I'm Tails the fox, motherfucker," Tails answered badass like before crossing his arms and giving an, I don't give a shit stance.

"Boy does your mouth need a cleaning," Sally replied with a smirk before pulling a bar of soap out of nowhere and shoving it down Tails' throat. Tails responded by tumbling backwards, spitting the bar from his mouth, and rubbing his tongue furiously.

"You want to play dirty?" Tails frowned, spitting suds from his mouth as the taste of the chemicals still burned into his tongue. Sally reacted by jumping onto Tails and madly began struggling with him as the two started tossing and turning all over the place. In the meantime Sonic's eyes popped open once more, as he let out a yawn and pulled himself to his feet; once again doing some stretches before looking over to see Rotor flattened into the ground, and Sally and Tails stupidly fighting.

"Remembers kids if you're falling to your doom, rely on others to break your fall for you," Sonic informed as he made his way over to his two best friends, or friends, or other beings he has to put up with. "Hey douches, what's new?" Sonic greeted with a wave, as both Tails and Sally halted to stare at their beloved hero.

"Sonic you're alive!" they both shouted simultaneously, springing up as confetti flew down out of nowhere.

"Of course I'm alive, the franchise is called Sonic the Hedgehog, not gay ass pointless characters," Sonic said, brushing dirt from his fur.


	15. Who the F&ck is Hayward?

"Hey Bark why don't we pop in this mix tape," Bean suggested, pulling a tape from under his scarf and rubbing it against Barks face. Bark didn't reply, but instead with quick reflexes he ripped the audio tape from Bean's clutches and smashed it into dust in his bear hand; lol bear hand instead of bare hand, get it… get it… I'm a sad person. "Aww, that was my favorite tape, Bark how could you?" Bean whined as he dug his hands deep into the polar bear's back, who was trying to keep his focus on driving the zooming speeder. Bean morphed his face into sadness as tears began to rain from his eyes and his mouth opened to create loud obnoxious crying. Bark continued to ignore the feathered idiot with a frown, but Fiona responded differently.

"Bean, shut up!" Fiona yelled, snapping her head back to send a twisted glare into the soul of the dynamite duck.

"Hey… that wasn't very nice," Bean sobbed, continuing to cry as he buried his face into Bark's back, soaking it in tears.

"Bean, please be quite," Fiona ordered in a calm manner, holding back the mountain of annoyance she had towards her stupid green accomplice.

"Well since you asked nicely, I'll consider it," Bean replied, popping up in front of the female fox, and giving her a tap on the head. Fiona stared flabbergasted, she quickly looked back to see Bark who had an almost as surprised face as she did, giving her an, I don't know, shrug of his shoulders.

"Bean dear, how the heck did you go from sitting behind Bark, to sitting at the front of my speeder?" Fiona asked with a strange half smile.

"Hmm, that's a good question, let's blame science," Bean answered before looking down at the speeder's controls, "Foxy look, your gas is at E, E for electroencephalographically!"

"What are you… no you idiot that's E for… empty?" Fiona reacted, watching the needle point towards the E, as her hover craft game to a sputtering stop. The fox continued to stare in shock as the speeder gave a quick jut to the ground and landed with a light thud. Bean found himself tapping the side of his face with a bored expression and a yawn.

"Well now, it looks like we have reached a dilemma," Bean explained the obvious as Bark came pulling up besides the stranded craft. "Bark my good sir, do you have an answer to our problem?" Bean questioned with a wave of his gloved hand. The polar bear offered a grunt and his typical stare which could be acquired at almost any time, but neither of these things were much help.

"Bark how much fuel is left in your tank?" Fiona asked, leaning over to get a glance at Bark's control panel, seeing that the polar bear was about to exhaust the last of his fuel too. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Fiona screamed, slamming her fist against the speeder's controls and jumping to the grass below.

"Why, do you want me to be kidding?" Bean questioned back slipping off the speeder and slowly following the fox.

"Bean, just shut up, why can't you just shut up, I had it up to here with everything, why is my life a pile of shit, huh, explain that to me. Everyone hates me, everyone betrays me, and no one in the God damn world cares about me… why… what did I ever do to deserve this… why…" Fiona began screaming before tumbling to the ground hugging herself as tears began to swell in her eyes. Bean stopped dead in his tracks, observing that his leader at the moment was having a severe break down, and not wanting to make matters worse, he began to slowly back away towards his buddy Bark.

"Hey Bark, let's do the right thing and get out of here," Bean whispered to the polar bear, who had made his way off of his almost useless speeder. Bark glared down in response giving his head a shake of denial. "What do you mean, no, I don't know how to cheer people up, especially not females, you know how crazy they are in the head," Bean said back with a frown, but Bark once more gave a shake of denial. "Fine, but if anything goes wrong, this was your idea," Bean said in defeat making his way over to the sobbing Fiona. "Hey Fiona, how you doing?" Bean greeted nonchalantly, kneeling down next to the heartbroken red fox.

"Bean, leave me alone, you've done enough, just like everyone else," Fiona murmured, burying her head in her tail and letting out more tears.

"Have I or am I only…" Bean started to reply with his usual trollish face, before catching sight of Bark's angered stare. "Fiona, everyone in the whole multiverse has the exact same chances as you in life, and the only reason life sucks for you is because you let everyone else step on you. No one really cares for each other, everyone has their own goal they want to reach, and to do that we got to step on others before they step on us," Bean informed, petting Fiona on the head who in return lowered her tail from her face and looked up at the smiling duck.

"So that's how you do it, you just stay positive, you don't let others put you down and you know deep down inside you'll reach your goal," Fiona said pulling herself up to a sitting position and wiping a tear from her face.

"Honestly I'm just an idiot, but my advice is still true," Bean informed with a stupid grin, glancing back towards Bark who finally gave a nod of approval.

"Okay boys, we've got to find that emerald asap before anyone else does, and once we've acquired it my plan will set into motion," Fiona smiled wildly giving a flick of her tail and jumping to her feet.

"You mean the plan to get riches?" Bean asked.

"Plan to get riches, this was never about riches, we're going to get that last emerald, and then we're going to go knocking down Eggman's door. We'll force that obese slob to hand over the other six emeralds, and with all seven in my hand I will become unstoppable. I Fiona Fox shall conquer Mobius and have Sonic as my loyal slave!" Fiona laughed crazily, daydreaming of her planned future.

"Wow Bark, don't you just love making people smile?" Bean asked to his friend, who gave Bean a slight nod of his head in reply, as they both watched the fox laughing to herself.

"Oh can't you boys see it now, everyone bowing down to me, Fiona Fox, the greatest of Mobians, the one true ruler," Fiona smiled grabbing Bean and giving him a twirl.

"Weee!" Bean cheered spinning off into a tree and falling straight into the dirt below. "This sounds great and all, cause honestly I don't really give a shit who's in charge, either way I'm not paying my taxes, but what do me and Bark get out of helping you?" Bean asked pulling himself from the ground and giving his scarf a lick to make sure it was clean.

"Bean hon, I wouldn't forget about you and Bark. I'll grant you two your own kingdom to rule over, under my guidance of course, and all of the shiny objects you could ever want," Fiona answered with a sly smile.

"Our own Kingdom, and all the shiny things I want, well foxy you got yourself a deal!" Bean cheered, jumping up and tightly hugging Fiona as tears of joy began to flow from his eyes, "Thank you!"

"Of course sweetie, but don't thank me yet, because first we have to put my plan into action before there is any sort of outcome," Fiona began sweetly before her voice became a bit more commanding, grabbing Bean's head and pulling him from his hug.

"So what are we waiting for, let's go, who needs fuel when you have spirit," Bean shouted happily, skipping off towards their unchanged destination.

"Now that's the spirit I was hoping for," Fiona smirked before turning to the awaiting Bark, "Get a move on, that emerald isn't going to find itself." Bark let out a deep grunt before marching after Bean, with Fiona making her way not too far behind, leaving the speeders to rot in their tracks. Once again Team Hooligan was off on their quest to find the seventh chaos emerald, but unknown to them two hobos had already found it.

"Mighty what are we going to do?" Ray asked, running his hand over the top of the sparkling green jewel.

"What do you mean what are we going to do, we're going to get bloody freaking rich!" Mighty exclaimed, pushing Ray aside and hugging the top of the chaos emerald tightly.

"Yeah, but how, and what about your plan to teach those jerks and the Chaotix a lesson?" Ray questioned, crawling over towards Mighty and observing their treasure.

"Forget about those fools, when we're rolling in mountains of cash, they'll still be sorry ass losers," Mighty said, smiling at his own reflection in the emerald.

"Okay, once again you change your mind in about five seconds flat," Ray murmured to himself with Mighty not giving an ounce of attention to this comment. "So, um, who are we gonna sell this too?" Ray wondered.

"Good question, well I know for a fact I won't be handing this over to Robotnik. We may not be true heroes, but even guys like us have enough dignity not to cause our own self destruction, by dealing with madmen," Mighty said, with Ray giving a nod in agreement. "But who else would lend us a large amount of cash for this emerald?" Mighty asked more or so to himself, scratching his head ever so slowly.

"Hey what about the Freedom Fighters," Ray suggested.

"Or better yet, how about we have King Acorn himself hand over the cash," Mighty smiled, sliding his hand out as an offer for a high-five.

"Oh yeah, go hobos!" Ray cheered, slamming his open hand down as hard as possible onto Mighty, who let out a cry of pain.

"Not cool, and we're not going to be stupid hobos no more," Mighty groaned as he clenched his teeth.

"Sorry, but good idea none the less," Ray apologized.

"Of course it's a good idea, now all we need to do is find a way to get this gem out of the ground," Mighty informed, pulling himself and Ray up from the grass.

"I think that's going to be easier said than done," Ray commented with a frown, starring down at their chance of fortune, which was being blocked off by a simple yet changeling problem.

"We're going to have to dig it out, which means you have to go get a shovel," Mighty offered in return, giving Ray a pat on the back.

"You want me to go get a shovel, why you sit here and do nothing?" Ray asked in annoyance.

"Well one of us has to protect the emerald, we don't want somebody else to come along and snatch it from us," Mighty replied with a smile.

"I'll stay here then, and you go get the shovel," Ray shot back, tired of being pushed around by his supposed best friend.

"Ray I've got to tell you now, you're not the fighting type. So if any danger would come along while you're sitting here guarding, you'll be screwed," Mighty added on with an almost sympathetic tone.

"Fine I'll go get the shovel," Ray said in defeat, kicking the dirt beneath him as he slugged away, "Hey wait, where the hell am I going to get a shovel from?"

"How should I know, go ask Hayward if you can borrow his," Mighty answered, plopping down next to the buried chaos emerald.

"Who the fuck is Hayward?" Ray questioned in return.

"Just get the damn shovel!" Mighty shouted as Ray gave him a look of disgust before disappearing into the thick of the forest.


	16. The Somewhat Passing of Rotor Walrus

"Thank heavens, I was so worried," Sally said, pushing herself off of Tails and quickly leaping at Sonic for a hug, which he was forced to return.

"If you were so worried, why were you so busy being a dick to me?" Tails questioned under his breath, watching the royal squirrel embrace Sonic as if he had been missing for years on end.

"Yeah well no need to be Sal, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest thing alive," Sonic smirked as he gently wiggled himself out of Sally's grasp.

"Sonic, what in the world is going on here, and let me guess it has to do with Eggman," Tails asked and answered at the same time.

"Bingo was his name-o, Tails, or in other words Eggman is planning to use the chaos emeralds to conquer the world and build Eggmanland," Sonic added to Tails' already correct answer.

"It was pretty obvious when I heard that Metal Sonic was involved that this was Robotnik's doing, but since when does he have all of the chaos emeralds?" Sally asked with a look of confusion.

"According to a TV message I received, he has all seven in his possession and he's willing to use them, unless I, Sonic the Hedgehog, can stop him," Sonic answered with a slight smirk, "Remember kids if you forget some plot points, you can always reread, or you cannot give a shit and realize readings for nerds."

"Um… Sonic who are you addressing?" Tails said in a quizzical style with an added awkward frown.

"The kids of course," Sonic replied as if everyone should know who the hell the kids were.

"Okay… well then, our main priority should be…" Tails started to explain before Sally rudely cut him off.

"Tails be quiet, this is a grownup situation, that needs to be handled by adults," Sally informed, giving Tails a slight pat on the head.

"Well do you see any adults around here, me neither," Tails shot back.

"Tails this isn't the time for bickering, right Sonic?" Sally scolded, turning towards Sonic for reassurance.

"Yep," Sonic agreed before letting out a yawn and kicking a nearby pebble.

"We have to get those chaos emeralds away from Eggman before the world is at his mercy. Sonic you need to deal with Metal, Tails and I are going to regroup with Team Freedom. From there I'll call in the Royal Acorn Army, and we'll surround Eggman's base, and he better have the Egg Army ready to fight back or else he's screwed," Sally informed her plan, smashing her fist against her open palm with a look of control.

"Hey wait, who said I was going with you?" Tails frowned in disapproval.

"I did, Sonic you can handle Metal, right?" Sally questioned with a slight frown.

"You mean tin head, yeah I can handle him, by the way where is that fool?" Sonic responded, scanning the sky for his foe, but only taking in the beautiful sun. "Well if I find him, I'll teach him a lesson," Sonic ensured with a wag of his finger.

"Sonic look out!" Tails screamed as Metal came swooping down out of the nearby tree line, right towards the speedy blue hero. Sonic glanced back in less than a second before blasting off in the direction of the damaged Green Hill village.

"You're too slow!" Sonic taunted as his feet created a perfect figure eight, but Metal's reflexes were just as quick, brushing right past Sally and Tails and zooming after Sonic.

"I sure hope he knows what he's doing," Sally sighed, once again watching her crush run off.

"He has a better idea than you," Tails mumbled in return.

"What did you say?" Sally asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

"I said, let's get a move on, before Eggman takes over the freaking globe," Tails answered with a false smile.

"Of course that's what you said; now Tails you wait here I'm going to go find Antoine, that idiot was supposed to be following me, but he isn't here is he?" Sally sighed, walking off in the direction of where she had originally emerged from, "And Tails check on Rotor, I know he's a big creepy faggot, but sadly he's my responsibility."

"Are you fucking serious?" Tails asked in utter disbelief, thinking of the fat walrus that always tried to molest him, and looking disgusted at the leaving princess. Sally reacted by stopping in place and slowly glancing back in disapproval. "I mean, yes ma'am," Tails corrected himself, giving a quick salute, which Sally approved by a look of satisfaction before continuing on her way. Tails watched Sally disappear before slowly dragging himself towards the purple walrus, who was smashed into the ground, badly injured. "Sup Rotor?" Tails greeted, plopping himself down next to the child molesting Freedom Fighter.

"Tails, you came back," Rotor coughed out with a smile as blood began to leak slowly from his damaged mouth, looking up with swollen tear filled eyes.

"I really didn't want too, but we all got to do our duty, and I guess you did yours," Tails sighed, actually almost sad to see the walrus in so much pain, how easy would it be to just kill him now.

"You mean my duty to win over your heart?" Rotor asked as he let out another coughing fit.

"No, my heart still belongs to Cosmo, cause I got some weird plant fetish, and Fiona is really hot too, I'd bang her, but I'm only eight, but still, I would bang her," Tails began rambling to the bleeding walrus, which wasn't very cheery to him.

"But what duty did I fulfill then?" Rotor questioned as Tails was describing the details of how he would have a brutal three way with Fiona and Cosmo.

"Oh… um… you fulfilled your duty as a Freedom Fighter," Tails answered, realizing telling his weird daydreams to others wasn't the brightest of ideas.

"But I'm not a Freedom Fighter anymore, Sally took away my title," Rotor cried as tears began flowing down his swollen eyes.

"Well I'm sure she'll give it back," Tails tried to smile, not really having any idea of what Rotor was talking about.

"What does it matter, I'm as good as gone, any moment now I'll die," Rotor sobbed to himself as his flowing tears began to mix with his pouring blood.

"Don't talk like that Rotor, you'll be fine, as soon as Sally comes back we'll get you some help," Tails ensured with a comforting yet false expression.

"Tails don't lie… it's too bad I never got to do what I wanted in life, which was to rape you," Rotor sighed to himself, with Tails frowning in return. "Tails is there a heaven?" Rotor asked as the sparks in his eyes began to fade out replaced with the colorless cloud of death.

"Rotor if there is, you won't be going there… I mean… you did well son," Tails awkwardly replied as guilt began to fill his little heart.

"Tails tell Sally, she was a bitch," Rotor wished as he grew limp and the curtain of life came to a close. Tails sat for a moment watching the lifeless body before him as tears starting dripping from his eyes, even though he had hated the walrus' guts he couldn't help but feel immensely saddened for him.

"I will," Tails whispered, gliding his hand over Rotor's opened eyes and sealing them shut.

"Hey, I like sleeping with my eyes open," Rotor shouted as his eyes popped back open and the curtain of life was lifted up for act two.

"What the fuck?" Tails screamed, tumbling back and grabbing his chest as his heart was racing at the current speed of Sonic the Hedgehog, which was fast.

"Hey that isn't a very nice word," Rotor scolded.

"But you're dead, I watched you die," Tails complained as his thoughts were bouncing wildly around his head.

"I didn't die, I just wanted to take a nap, and overall I'm fine, I just got a cut lip and some black and blue eyes," Rotor said, pulling himself up from the hole in the ground and plopping down next to Tails.

"But how?" Tails cried as he began hyperventilating.

"Wow calm down, I was just pretending to die because I thought you would feel pity for me and then agree to have sexual intercourse, but all I heard about was you wanting to fuck some stupid bitches. As for me being ninety-nine percent okay that is due to me being so fat; the impact of Sonic was absorbed by my flabs," Rotor explained, giving the shaken fox a pat on the back.

"You're a sick son of a bitch!" Tails screamed before running off in the direction in which Sally was headed.

"Wait Tails, I can't run that fast," Rotor whined, rolling up and slowly waddling after the fox. As this scene of beautiful friendship played out, Sally was screaming her fucking brains out looking for Antoine.

"Antoine where the hell are you, Antoine!" Sally screamed cupping her hands around her mouth as she was searching high and low. "God damn it Antoine, so much for being loyal to your princess!" Sally shouted angrily, stamping her foot onto something much softer than the ground.

"Ow, sainte putain merde, qu'est-ce que Sally, regardez où vous faites un pas, vous salope stupide!" Antoine screamed in pain, startling Sally who stumbled back before regaining her balance.

"Antoine, what the hell are you doing down there, and what did you just say about me?" Sally asked angrily, walking back over to the worn out coyote.

"Excuse my French Princess, but I was just saying how great it was that you found me," Antoine tried to smile as he let out a chuckle.

"Antoine what happened, and where's the prisoner?" Sally questioned as she saw that Antoine was lying in pain by himself.

"To put it short Princess, I was following you as you commanded, but eventually my body could not take it no more and it gave out, I could not feel a thing. That is when the mercenary sprang to life, taunting me on how he had been awake for a while, and was just waiting for me to get tired out to make his escape, and that was the last I saw of him before he sprinted off in that direction," Antoine explained, pointing with his sore arm.

"Are you kidding me Antoine and I thought our current situation couldn't get easier," Sally sighed with a face palm, before turning her attention back to the tired servant, "Well what are you waiting for?"

"What do you mean, what am I waiting for?" Antoine asked, letting out a slight cough.

"Get off your ass, and go find that mercenary," Sally ordered.

"But Princess, I don't think I can get up," Antoine complained with a look of disapproval.

"Yes you can," Sally said, grabbing the coyote by the arm and slinging him up, before knocking his heels together and giving him a hard smack on the back.

"Ow… actually that is much better," Antoine reacted, rubbing his back and giving his arms a stretch.

"Now Antoine you have a duty, an order, to hunt down that mercenary and bring him to justice. By my calculations he is most likely heading back towards the village to meet up with that traitor Amy, if you move quick you can probably catch up with Bunnie, and the two of you could take them both down," Sally informed pacing back in forth in front of the royal guard.

"Of course my Princess," Antoine said with a quick salute, ready to start off on his mission.

"Oh and Antoine, once you've captured the scum, bring them back to Knothole, straight to Acorn Castle and into the dungeon," Sally commanded.

"Yes my Princess, but what will you be up to in the meantime?" Antoine wondered, still trying to pass the aching pain out of his body.

"In the meantime the Royal Army and I are going to be throwing a little party for Eggman," Sally smirked to herself.

"Wait why would you throw a party for Eggman?" Antoine asked with a shift of his eyebrows.

"Just go," Sally replied in annoyance.

"Okay my Princess," Antoine responded with a look of attention, before marching off soldier like, letting out whimpers of soreness along the way. Sally let out a sigh of disbelief, before slipping NICOLE from her pocket and powering her on.

"Hello Sally, what do you need now?" NICOLE half smiled as her tiny holograph appeared floating above the little monitor.

"NICOLE I need you to send word to the Royal Army and all available branches of the Freedom Fighters, that they are to lock and load and head out towards Eggman's base of operations. Tell them to come fully equipped and to be ready for anything, plus they should meet me on the North side aka front entrance about half a mile away," Sally ordered to the holographic lynx who was copying down the information as it was spoken, "Oh and NICOLE don't let my dad know about this."

"I think he's going to be pretty suspicious when the entire Royal Army goes marching off, tanks and all," NICOLE frowned.

"Yeah, but he'll just worry like crazy about me if he finds out," Sally said in return.

"I'll try, but no promises, if I was your father I would be worried about you to, especially your mental state," NICOLE replied with smile, mumbling the last part under her breath.

"What was that?" Sally asked.

"I said I have to go into processing mode now, bye," NICOLE answered before the tiny holograph disappeared back into the screen. Sally flipped the little computer shut before turning her attention to the whiny screams of an eight-year-old fox.

"Aunt Sally help!" Tails cried, flying in quick and hugging Sally's leg for dear life.

"Oh look who's the grown up now," Sally murmured crossing her arms with a look of disgust.

"Sally please, it's Rotor, first he was dead… and now he not dead… and he tried to rape me again…" Tails rambled as his whole body shook crazily.

"So in other words, Rotor is okay?" Sally more or so answered herself, glancing down at the whimpering Prower, who gave a nod of agreement. "Tails calm down, if you want to be treated like a grown up you'll have to stand up to your problems and not run from them," Sally informed, trying to pry the ever so stubborn fox from her leg.

"But I've got Sonic to protect me," Tails commented in reply as Sally picked him up by the scruff of his neck region.

"Tails dear, Sonic won't always be there to protect you," Sally told Miles, setting him down onto the surface below.

"Yeah he will, unless Sega goes out of business," Tails explained, smashing down the fourth wall.

"Fine Tails you can believe whatever you want, but as soon as Rotor gets here the two of you are going to make up," Sally said, grabbing Tails by the wrist as to prevent him from running away.

"Hey let go of me, you stupid whore!" Tails screamed, struggling to squirm his way out of Sally's grip.

"Oh Tails there you are, and there's Sally too," Rotor smiled before slowly frowning as he waddled his way into view.

"Rotor apologize to Tails, now," Sally instructed with an angered glare.

"I don't have to listen to you, I'm not a Freedom Fighter no more," Rotor logically explained.

"You are now, I restore your rank as an honorary Freedom Fighter, now apologize," Sally responded without a flinch as Tails continued to squirm wildly.

"Oh boy, Rotor's a Freedom Fighter again, I'm sorry Tails," Rotor sang skipping around in circles, not really putting any thought into his apology.

"Good, now Tails, apologize," Sally ordered, snapping Tails into place.

"Or what?" Tails mocked, sticking out his tongue.

"Or else… I'll give you the funny kiss," Sally said in a babyish voice before tickling Tails in the stomach, making him fall to the ground laughing.

"No stop, please, I'm not a little kid, please, I'll apologize," Tails laughed and cried at the same time begging for mercy.

"Can Rotor tickle Tails?" Rotor asked, looming over the two.

"No," Sally answered, glaring up to the fat lard.

"Rotor I'm sorry for whatever I did," Tails apologized, pulling himself into a sitting position and wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Rotor accepts your apology, now hug me," Rotor smiled, opening his arms for a hug.

"No thanks," Tails said, standing up and backing away with a queasy smile.

"Okay now that we're all friends, let's get a move on towards Robotnik's headquarters," Sally informed, trying to regain the purpose of the mission once again, as she made her way off of the grass and started heading north.

"Yeah adventure!" Rotor cheered in return, waddling after the Princess with Tails flying quickly after the two.

"Hey Sally," Tails said soaring in right next to the squirrel, so that they were eye to eye.

"Yes," Sally replied turning her head to meet the fox's.

"Don't you ever fucking tickle me again, you stupid prick, I'll pop a fucking cap in your head," Tails threatened in a suddenly deep growling voice, before flying ahead with a smile. Sally starred awkwardly with a face of confusion and horror, too shocked to reply.


	17. Life is a Pineapple Patch

"Here's your food miss, enjoy," the tired yet ever cheerful waiter informed to the smiling young Manx before him.

"I'll try," the Manx laughed as the waiter went off to attend some other table. This is Tiara Boobowski, a teenaged Manx who spends most of her days wishing for some action to return to her life. Tiara let out a sigh, ever so carefully picking up the pizza in front of her and directing it towards her mouth, where she started to nibble on it. She stared across at the empty seat in front of her, the table itself would've probably been a discomfort for two people, yet somehow the quality space she was receiving couldn't fill the lowliness in her heart. Tiara let the warm pizza slide from her hand onto the plate below, watching as some of the cheese and a pepperoni detached upon impact. Her face forged a frown of not just sadness but utter boredom, why couldn't it be like the good old days, the days when her blue hero was sweeping her off her feet and the two were speeding head first into adventure.

Just like most girls who came in contact with the blue blur, she was smitten by him. And like most of these females, she never really had chance with the hedgehog either, but none the less the moments spent with him were burned into her mind, never to be forgotten. Tiara looked towards the window on her left, greeted by a frowning Manx, who shared the exact likeness of her.

"It's you and me," Tiara sighed as her reflection mocked her in return. The only reason she had met Sonic was due to her father Professor Gazebo Boobowski, who had worked on several projects with Professor Charles aka Uncle Chuck. Due to this connection it was only a matter of time till Tiara and Sonic met and the two eventually became somewhat of friends. The core connection between the two came down to their hunger for adventure, or in other words the two loved living in the moment. Of course Boobowski found herself steadily growing attached to her speedy friend, but a usual Sonic didn't return the favor, he was too busy fulfilling his ego, his love for never ending glory. And just like that Sonic seemed to speed of into the horizon, leaving the Manx to sink back into the background, back into the never ending formula of normalness. At this point Tiara didn't feel like eating, she looked down at her cooling pizza, picking up a fork she began poking it repeatedly before letting out a groan and pushing her hands to her head.

"This is ridiculous Boobowski, what are you doing with your life? Every day you put on a fake smile and pretend that you're living it to the max, well face it, you're not. You don't have a job, you live with your dad, and you can't stop dreading on the past. It's over, he was here, but now he isn't, and you need to face facts, Sonic the Hedgehog is not just going to come bursting through the wall, I mean you're even eating at one of his favorite restaurants!" Tiara began softly to herself before gradually growing louder and angrier in tone, slamming her fist on the table. She watched helplessly as her tray flipped up, causing her pizza and the silver plate to go crashing to the floor. The Manx looked in shock at the over turned pizza before noticing all of the wide eyes staring at her. "Um… sorry about that," Tiara tried to smile, feeling her embarrassment level pass one hundred percent.

It took her a second to realize that the eyes weren't looking at her; they were starring in horror towards the window behind her. Boobowski swiftly turned her head to take in the same image as her fellow customers, a quick moving blue blur flying straight towards the window, Tiara wasn't exactly wrong, Sonic didn't come bursting through the wall, he came bursting through the window. The Manx couldn't help but stupidly grin as she saw her hero coming straight at her, but the sudden screams and shouts of others snapped her to attention, causing Tiara to quickly duck under the table for cover. And in a mere second the sound of breaking glass rang out through the somewhat crowded Pizza Hut. The Manx let out a gasp of joy as the hedgehog came smashing in letting fragments of glass rain down next to her, but that joy quickly switched to worriment as Sonic fell to the carpet in a heap. Rushing from her safe haven, Tiara found herself kneeling over the hedgehog hero. It had been so long since she had seen him, but there he was lying so beautifully in front of her.

"Ugh…" Sonic moaned as his eyes fluttered open.

"Jeez, are you alright?" Tiara questioned with a frown, watching Sonic's eyes dart from side to side, taking in the scenery.

"Long time no see," Sonic greeted with a sly smile.

"Oh has it?" Tiara smiled back as Sonic jumped up, and pushing right past her found himself at Tiara's over turned pizza.

"It's been awhile since I've had one of you darlings," Sonic said to himself, picking up the pizza and shoving it in his mouth. Tiara watched in disbelief as her jaw had trouble staying up; her one true hero hadn't even noticed her, when she was kneeling right in front of him.

"Excuse me!" Boobowski interrupted as her teeth began grinding together.

"What?" Sonic said, turning around to see the angered Manx with half chewed pizza leaking from his overstuffed mouth.

"All you have to say is: what!" Tiara shouted, leaping to her feet and stomping over to the nonchalant hedgehog.

"Yep, hey miss you might want to get out of here, I'm kind of in a middle of a fight," Sonic explained as he swallowed the last chunks of pizza and gave the Manx a look of boredom.

"Sonic the Hedgehog, don't you even remember me!" Tiara cried in frustration.

"Sorry miss but remembering is a challenging process, so in other words, you don't look very familiar, Tiara," Sonic yawned, smacking his hands together in an attempt to clean the pizza sauce off.

"Are you kidding… wait you said my name… you do remember!" Tiara cheered, giving the Hedgehog a tight hug as tears of joy rained down from her face to the floor below.

"Remember what?" Sonic asked, taking in the hug as he usually did without a care in the world.

"Me, Tiara Boobowski, silly," the Manx laughed, pushing herself off of her friend.

"Oh Tiara, long time no see," Sonic greeted, this time directed towards Boobowski herself.

"You're telling me," Tiara replied, giving a warm look to the blue speeder.

"Well I'd love to stop and chat, but one I don't stop, and two metal me is going to come bursting in any minute now," Sonic informed with a wave of his hand, and as if on cue Metal Sonic came crashing through the roof, sending wreckage tumbling to the tables and tiles below. He landed with a clunk and stood glaring at the hedgehog and Manx with fiery red eyes.

"Let me guess, Eggman?" Tiara asked with a frown.

"Yep," Sonic answered, "Your welcome to join in if you want."

"Well don't mind if I do," Boobowski smiled before leaping up for a punch right in Metal's robotic face. She had gotten what she wanted, to be back in the moment with her true blue hero, well at least for the time being, but let's back up a bit, how the hell did Sonic end up at Pizza Hut you may wonder. Well it's quite simple, you see it was a few minutes earlier, Sonic was leading Metal away from Sally and Tails, straight towards the Green Hill village.

"You're too slow!" Sonic repeatedly taunted back to his artificial pursuer, running full speed ahead, jumping and spinning to avoid trees and other objects that could possibly block his path. The metal clone of the hedgehog wouldn't let up, flying increasingly closer to his target, smashing straight through any obstacle in his way and setting other nearby ones on fire. "Wow, I'm surprised you're still trying, don't you know when to give up?" Sonic cracked, the sound of Metal's engine roared even louder as he came swooping in for the kill, but Sonic with a simple back flip found himself safely on top of the robot's head. "Nice view from up here, just look at that sun," Sonic commented on his everlasting purpose of losing his eyesight. "And boy is it hot up here," Sonic said turning his head to see the flickering flames bursting out of Metal's engine in the back. The metal warrior didn't give Sonic much time to relax heading straight up into clouds once more. "I'd love to stay tin can, but… I can't think of anything clever to say so… bye," Sonic yawned before jumping off of the high speed robot into the clear blue sky below.

"Boy could I eat something right now," Sonic told himself, giving his tummy a rub as he fell straight towards the awaiting ground, but luckily for this hedgehog, he found himself crashing straight through a barn's roof into a pile of hay.

"And that's when I told Fink, he could…" Old Tucker told his young and bored farm hand Hayward before being cut off by a loud crashing sound. The two had been taking a break from the typical farm work and were sitting back drinking ice cold lemonade on Tucker's porch. "What in tarnation was that?" the turtle asked slowly turning his head towards the noise, but before he could even finish this body movement, his young farm hand had jumped up from his rocker and was walking in the direction of the sound.

"I'll go check," Hayward shouted back, glad to finally get off of that old houses' porch and away from his annoying boss.

"What?" Tucker questioned.

"I said I got this," Hayward yelled once more as he continued towards the barn.

"What?" Old Tucker continued to question.

"I said, fuck you," Hayward shouted in return with a sly smile, as the old turtle was too deaf to hear.

"There goes your pay check for the month," Tucker shouted in reply.

"Are you kidding me?" Hayward yelled to himself in shock, just his luck. The young farm hand let out a frustrated sigh before staring up at the barn before him, and then proceeding inside. Everything looked normal too him, not a tool or straw out of place, except when glancing up there was a nice sized hole in the ceiling. "Great, my day just keeps getting better," Hayward frowned to himself, shaking his head in disappointment, "How the hell does a hole just appear in the ceiling?"

"Magic," Sonic said, leaping out of the hay pile directly underneath the hole, and strolling over to the shocked looking farm hand.

"Sonic… how… why… what?" Hayward stumbled, jumping back as the hedgehog leaped forward, and balancing himself by grabbing a nearby tool table.

"Good idea, I could use one of these to destroy Metal," Sonic said, pushing Hayward to the side and rummaging through the tools, picking up a nice sized shovel, "This will do."

"Hey wait a minute, what the hell is going on?" Hayward asked, running forward to grab the leaving hedgehog, just as Metal Sonic came smashing through the back wall of the barn.

"That," Sonic replied with his usual eyelids half down stare, pointing his free hand towards the hovering robot.

"Holy shit!" Hayward squealed.

"Get down citizen, I got this," Sonic informed, pushing Hayward to the floor as Metal Sonic shot across the room towards his target. The blue blur stepped to the side with a smile, lifting up the shovel and swinging it full force into the incoming robot. Though the results weren't that impressive, as Metal tore the top of the shovel off and flew out the front of the barn, smashing both of the wooden doors to the ground. "This sucks, well at least for you, I mean look at this place," Sonic reacted, dropping the bottom half of the shovel to the ground and looking around the well smashed up interior. "Anyway I gotta juice, so see ya, wouldn't want to be ya," Sonic said before blasting out of the barn, grabbing a jug of juice from nowhere and chugging it down, "Yeah juice."

"Okay…" Hayward said to himself, still lying on the ground with no real motive to get up.

"Hey Metal, you miss me?" Sonic asked catching up with the speeding Metal, who gave his usual cold stare in return as the two went zooming off of the farm back into the forest. Metal suddenly cut on his engine, letting the blue hero speed ahead before shooting back after him. "What's wrong, engine malfunction, or is this part of the plan?" Sonic smirked as his metal counterpart started spinning rapidly around, still headed in a straight path after his target. A large wave of electric energy began to spark around the pursuer as he came in once more for the kill, but Sonic did a quick spin jump to avoid this, landing behind the metallic hedgehog. "Man this is getting real boring rust bucket, how about you self-destruct and we'll call it a day," Sonic offered, running next to Metal once more, as the two found themselves speeding into Green Hill village.

"I am getting tired of your bullshit," Metal said in return as the two sped past scurrying citizens, who were still rebuilding from Metal's attack early today.

"My shit is hedgehog shit, not bull shit," Sonic informed as Metal swiftly turned, giving a quick but forceful kick to Sonic's grinning face.

"Remember kids you always take hits from douches who just don't get the joke," Sonic sighed, flying back full force into a nearby restaurant's window and landing on the floor in a heap. And that kids is how Sonic the Hedgehog found himself in Pizza Hut, now where were we earlier, oh yes, Tiara was about to punch Metal Sonic in the face, and well, she did.

"Shit!" Boobowski screamed, holding her hand in pain; she had been so caught up in the moment that she forgot punching Metal wasn't the greatest idea. Metal slowly walked forward making large clanking sounds with each step, his eyes burning like the fires of hell. "You think that's going to stop me, think again you piece of junk," Tiara shouted, grabbing a nearby chair and tossing it at the approaching assailant.

"You think that's going to stop me, think again you piece of junk," Metal mocked as the chair smashed to splinters upon contact of his metallic surface.

"Screw you, you stupid dope," the Manx said, backing away and darting her head around in search of her friend, "Sonic?"

"What?" Sonic responded from the other side of the building, shoving unfinished pizza in his mouth, left by the citizens, who had fled the scene.

"Damn it," Tiara groaned as she was being cornered by the robotic foe, "Sonic, a little help?"

"Just a sec," Sonic replied as he shoved another pizza crust in his mouth, letting mounds of crumbs fall to the floor.

"Fine, I don't need your help," Tiara said, swiftly moving forward and leaping over the approaching Metal Sonic. "Yeah bitch, I did it," Boobowski cheered as she flew over the metal fiend, before falling face flat to the ground below, as Metal had gotten hold of her right leg midflight. "Oh crap, Sonic!" Tiara screamed, clawing at the ground as Metal pulled her closer towards an untimely death.

"Hey Metal, you want a pizza?" Sonic asked, suddenly standing before the two while casually chewing on a pizza. Metal dropped Tiara's leg, turning his attention to the ever so non-caring Sonic before blasting straight at him. "Okay, here you go," Sonic said tossing the half eaten pizza into the front of Metal's engine, as he leaped to the side. Metal suddenly stopped, falling to the ground as his engine let out an unnatural creaking noise, and mushed up pizza came shooting out the back. Both Tiara and Sonic jumped to their impatient feet, smiling at each other before dashing towards the unmanned front counter. Meanwhile Metal slowly pulled himself up, his engine making strange grinding sounds and letting out little sparks of uncontrolled electricity.

"I hope you enjoyed your meal sir, but that will be twelve ninety-nine," Tiara smiled, picking up the cash register and slinging it at the dazed robot. Metal turned his head just as the register came crashing into him, knocking him down, and pinning his left arm to the floor. Even though this wasn't a big problem for Metal, it slowed him down long enough for Sonic to come leaping over the counter, shaking a jug of soda in one hand and chewing on a breadstick with the other.

"And for five bucks more, throw in a Pepsi and a breadstick," Sonic said as he swallowed the last of the breadstick and opened the liter of cola, letting it spray all over the lying metallic hedgehog, and then tossing the empty bottle to the ground. It didn't take long for Metal to star twitching wildly as electric sparks began dancing around his body, and his two red eyes were replaced with the word: ERROR. "Is something wrong Metal, cause you don't look to sharp," Sonic smirked, watching the metal terror being destroyed before his very eyes, and just like that it was over, Metal lied in a heap, smoke seeping from his fried body as his eye monitor was now pure blackness. "Well that took one chapter too many," Sonic commented, giving his arm a stretch, "Looks like Egghead's gonna have to rebuild you for the next fic, buddy."

"Sonic, we did it," Tiara smiled, jumping over the counter and rushing next to Sonic.

"Yeah of course I did," Sonic gloated, pointing to himself with his thumb.

"Says you," Boobowski shot back, before leaning in for a kiss.

"Anyway Tiara, thanks for helping out, and I'll give you a call some time, if I remember," Sonic said in return, backing from the Manx's affection and giving her a pat on the cheek instead, before shooting off through the front doors.

"Hey wait," Tiara cried as her blue blur sped out of her life once more. The Manx sat in silence as Honey the Cat came walking in from the doors Sonic had just left through.

"Whoa… just my luck, show up late for work one day, and I miss all the fun," Honey frowned, looking around at the wreckage, "Let me guess, Sonic?"

"Sonic," Tiara sighed, giving the lying Metal a kick in the head before slumping out of the restaurant, back towards regular life.


	18. Bean is Stuck on Band-Aids

"Snively!" Eggman screamed, wobbling his way out of the bathroom, back to his lame throne.

"Yes sir," Snively answered, stepping towards the obese blob that he stared at every day of his pointless life.

"I clogged the toilet, go unclog it you turd," Robotnik ordered, rubbing his hand against his nose with a grumble.

"Of course sir, I just love playing with your shit," Snively said with an angry frown, dragging himself to the washroom.

"What Snively?" the fat man asked, turning his head to his ever depressed lackey.

"I said, I enjoy working for you sir," Snively replied with a forced smile before disappearing into the horrible smelling bathroom with a sigh.

"Why wouldn't you," Eggman said, turning his attention to the large computer screen in front of him, "Orbot!"

"Yes Doctor, what is it?" Orbot questioned as he entered the room from a small sized elevator that appeared as part of the gray floor.

"Updates on Bokkun?" Egghead asked in return.

"We have lost contact with Bokkun, it is most likely Sonic killed him," Orbot answered, making his way to the front of the metallic chair.

"Good, and what of Metal, did he kill Sonic yet?" Robotnik questioned as he slowly stroke his dirty disgusting mustache.

"Um no he didn't, we lost contact with Metal also, most likely Sonic trashed him," Orbot responded with a frown.

"What, are you kidding me, shit… what am I to do now!" Eggman yelled, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Well sir, you could give up," Orbot suggested.

"Shut up, jeez could my day get any worse?" Eggman sighed, placing his fat hand against his sweaty forehead.

"We got an incoming message, your royal highness," Cubot informed, shooting out of the same elevator Orbot had appeared from moments earlier.

"Well what are you waiting for, turn it on, maybe it's those stupid mercenaries I hired," Robotnik commanded, pointing to the large screen directly in front of him.

"Of course sir," the two robotic lackeys reacted, gliding swiftly over to the controls and tapping a few buttons.

"Sir it's your Egg Bosses Cassia and Clove," Orbot told his almighty creator with a turn of his head.

"Oh joy, let them speak," Egghead responded with a yawn, as the two robots flipped a few more switches.

"Greetings your lordship," Clove said as the image of the two Egg Bosses was generated on the large screen before the fat man.

"Well hello Clove and hello to you too Cassia, what the hell do you want?" Robotnik asked without much concern.

"Hey we're just trying to help," Cassia said angrily as her sister gave her a look of disapproval in return.

"Well what is it then, spill it out," Eggman ordered.

"What my sister is trying to say is that some of our recon has spotted what appears to be the whole Acorn Army moving its way to your headquarters," Clove explained.

"Yeah whatever, just have… wait you said… oh shit, are you serious!" the fat man screamed, jumping up from his chair and walking directly up to the monitor.

"Um… yes sir, we're serious," Clove replied with a frown.

"Of course my day gets worse, I don't need this right now, all I wanted was to beat Sonic," Robotnik complained, kicking Cubot across the room in frustration.

"Good kick sir," Cubot shouted from the other side of the large room, giving a thumbs up.

"I'll tell you what Clove, you and your sister gather all your troops, sneak behind the Acorn forces, and blast them to pieces. I in the meantime will launch an attack from the front, once they arrive here of course," the fat overlord explained and commanded simultaneously.

"Right away sir," Clove saluted before the monitor switched to black.

"Whelp my life sucks, Cubot get your butt over here," Eggman yelled as he plopped back down into his chair.

"But I don't have a butt sir," Cubot responded, gliding up to the fat doctor.

"Well be glad you don't, now as I was going to say, go out and find that seventh chaos emerald," Robuttnik ordered, giving the robot a quick smack.

"I'm on it," Cubot cheered, doing a retarded spin onto the floor elevator and disappearing with a quick salute.

"Hey wait a minute," Snively interrupted, walking from the horrid washroom, covered in toilet water and waste.

"What Snively, is the toilet unclogged?" Eggman questioned, turning to his pathetic minion.

"Yes sir, but I suggested in chapter two that we use a robot to find the emerald, and you said no," Snively pouted with a stomp of his foot.

"Snively did I give you permission to break the fourth wall?" Eggman asked with a creepy smile.

"No sir," Snively frowned in reply.

"Then shut the fuck up Snively and go get a shower, you smell like shit," Robotnik commanded, with a wave of his hand.

"Yes sir," Snively moaned, slumping off back towards the washroom.

"What a prick, right Orbot?" Egghead asked, turning to his red metallic servant.

"He is a prick, plus he didn't even fix the hole in the ceiling, I mean all he did was cover it in duct tape," Orbot replied, before going back to observing the base's security on the monitor before him.

"What?" Eggman wondered to himself slowly glancing up to the ceiling, "Snively!" Eggman stomped up from his throne into the bathroom, before swiping back the shower curtain, grabbing the bathing Snively, and tossing him to the cold metallic floor outside of the washroom.

"What the hell sir?" Snively cried, jumping up and covering his privates.

"Snively look towards the ceiling, what do you see?" Robotnik questioned with a gentle voice.

"I see a ceiling sir," Snively answered, shivering and shaking like crazy.

"Hmm, do you know what I see Snively, I see a lousy pathetic job. Now get off your sorry ass and fix that ceiling the proper way, which means no duct tape, oh and you're not allowed to do anything else unless you're finished," Eggman ordered with an evil grin.

"Can I at least get dressed sir?" Snively pleaded.

"No, I'll be in the kitchen eating stuff if anyone needs me," the fat man replied before waddling off, leaving his naked servant to stand awkwardly in a puddle of water on the floor.

"Man you're lame," Orbot commented as he watched the pathetic man walk off towards the supply closet, leaving a trail of water behind. Now on to some more boring matters as we join Knuckles and Amy.

"So Knuckles, whatcha doing?" Amy asked, skipping up next to the loner echidna after minutes of awkward silence.

"Amy what do you want?" Knuckles sighed as he continued moving forward at a slow but steady pace.

"I was just wondering what my friend Knuckles was up to," Amy responded with a smile.

"Well first off we're not friends we're allies, second off if you must know, I'm going to go collect that emerald before Eggman or some other buffoons get their paws on it," Knuckles informed.

"Allies or friends it's the same thing, and since I got nothing else to do, I'll help you find that emerald," Amy offered in return.

"No you won't, Amy go home," Knuckles ordered with a quick glance to the skipping hedgehog.

"Hey you're not the boss of me, and like I said before I have nothing else to do, well at least until midnight," Amy reacted with short temper, stopping her happy skipping and stomping belong side Knuckles.

"I'm not even going to ask, Amy please go home," Knuckles sighed, stopping to turn to the moody pink hedgehog.

"Go home, go home, maybe I don't have a home, huh, maybe Eggman's retarded robots set it on fire, maybe I'm having a really bad day and I'm about ready to smash someone's head in!" Amy yelled, clenching her fist and kicking a stone in front of her.

"Wow, calm down, Amy we all have bad days, but you have to take life as it is," Knuckles informed with a frown.

"Oh really, I'm supposed to take life as it is, well I'm sick of it, why can't one thing go my way, why can't Sonic love me?" Amy cried as her knees buckled together.

"Well as for things going your way, that's out of anybody's control, and as for Sonic loving you, maybe if you were normal you may have a chance with him," Knuckles tried to explain awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

"What do you mean normal, I'm normal, I'm nice, I'm loving, I'm cute, I'm…" Amy started before Knuckles cut her off.

"Insane, your obsessive, your only twelve years old," Knuckles commented with a look a boredom.

"So what does age matter, and who the hell are you to judge me?" Amy shouted, shaking her fist at the not amused echidna.

"Amy I'm sorry I offended you, but seriously, leave me alone," Knuckles said holding up his hands in a, take it easy, pose.

"You know what Knuckles, you're a… you're… I dislike you very much," Amy cried angrily as she was holding back tears, ready to stomp away from her so called friend, I mean ally.

"I am stuck on Band-Aids, cause Band-Aids are stuck on me!" Bean sang loudly as he pulled a random Band-Aid from his arm, ripping up his green feathers, and letting out a high pitched yelp.

"Bean, shut up," Fiona ordered angrily, putting her finger against the idiot's beak, she then stopped in place, her ears twitching leftwards to the sound of arguing. Bean stared at the vixen's finger for a second before spitting on it, and giving a stupid but proud grin.

"Ew… Bean you need to not spit on me, okay?" Fiona asked or more or so instructed as she wiped her spit covered finger onto the surface of a nearby tree.

"Okay!" Bean shouted full blast into the fox's ear.

"Bean, be quite," Fiona commanded, clamping the duck's beak shut with her hands before swiftly scampering ahead.

"What's up with her?" Bean asked the silent Bark, who started moving ahead in reply. Fiona took in the view of Knuckles and Amy bickering like idiots from a close proximity, peeping her head out from a healthy green bush.

"Look who it is, our primary target and little Miss Goody two shoes," Fiona smiled to herself as Bean popped up through the bush next to her.

"So how's Scourge doing?" Bean questioned, trying to start a boring conversation for trollish reasons.

"Who?" Fiona responded with a confused look on her face.

"You know…" Bean started before Bark tapped him on the back, handing him a piece of paper which read: Penders, "Oh… never mind."

"Okay, well there's our target, Bark you grab him, and Bean… don't do anything," Fiona said with a frown before hopping out of the bush.

"Yes ma'am," Bean replied doing a failed summersault out of the bush, as Bark walked past him with an expression of disappointment.

"Amy all I'm trying to say is maybe sometimes…" Knuckles started, not knowing how to explain things kindly.

"Sometimes, what?" Amy asked angrily, crossing her arms in disgust.

"Sometimes you're…" Knuckles began before a voice from behind cut him short.

"A stupid psychotic overdramatic happy-go-lucky pathetic bitch," Fiona cut in; stepping forwards as Bean and Bark came following behind.

"Are you talking about yourself again?" Bean asked Fiona, who turned around with an angry glare, "Okay I'll shut it."

"Oh look who it is, Miss I'm a big stupid traitor who thinks nobody in the world gives a shit about me, but is too stupid to see how many chances she had to be happy," Amy shot back, "Let me guess you and your dumb partners are looking for the emerald too."

"Well I'll say you're right on one thing, we want that emerald, so if you have it, fork it over," Fiona instructed with a smirk, steadily tapping her foot.

"Even if we had, why the heck would I hand it over to you?" Amy said in return.

"Um… is there something going on I should know about?" Knuckles questioned in confusion.

"No dear you just hold tight, we're just gonna have to borrow you for a second," Fiona informed before shouting to Bark, "Grab him!" Bark let out a typical grunt before rushing forward and swiping up the stunned and confused echidna.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Knuckles let out, struggling to break free of polar bear's strong grip.

"Let him go, or all make you!" Amy shouted, slinging up her hammer, and giving a threatening stare towards Bark and the rest of the crew.

"Oh you really shouldn't, I wouldn't want to hurt that pretty little face of yours," Fiona replied with a false frown.

"Oh you're asking for it, bitch!" Amy yelled, charging forward and giving a huge swing towards the unimpressed fox.

"Naughty naughty," Fiona scolded as she flipped over the swinging hedgehog without much effort.

"Oh you think you're so smart do you, well I'll show you and your little friends," Amy smiled wildly before throwing her hammer full force at the waiting Fiona.

"Nice try," Fiona commented with yawn as she casually stepped to the side, letting the hammer fly past her, and watching it land in the dirt with a thud. "Oh poor Amy, looks like she's got no weapons to protect her," Fiona taunted as she nonchalantly made her way up to the pink hedgehog.

"Shut up, I'll take you on bare handed," Amy explained as she formed her hands in fist, ready to slug one at the smirking fox.

"But you don't have bear hands," Bean shouted, watching the battle from the sidelines, while once again shoving mouthfuls of mysteriously appearing popcorn into his mouth.

"Come on Amy do you really want to fight me, remember all of the times we used to share," Fiona said, still slowly approaching the hedgehog.

"No, I remember all the times I wanted to kill you in your sleep," Amy mumbled in return as her teeth clenched together.

"Oh, was somebody jealous of little old me?" Fiona asked in a sweet innocent voice as she stepped straight up in front of the furious Amy.

"Jealous of you… who would ever be jealous of you, you're a pathetic low life," Amy replied with a smirk, before letting out a punch straight for Fiona's face.

"Sadly Miss Rose, you are!" Fiona shouted dodging to the side and grabbing Amy's swinging arm, before forcing the hedgehog towards her in a quick motion and punching Amy in the gut repeatedly. "So tell me dear, how many times did you want to kill me?" Fiona smirked slapping Amy across the face and tossing her to the ground.

"More than you could count," Amy smiled before starting a coughing fit.

"Oh so sad, well I'd love to stick and chat, but me and my friends got a job to do, and so do you. Go tell your little group of Freedom Fighters that if they want their friend Knuckles here to live, they won't come looking for us," Fiona instructed, kneeling down next to the bruised Amy before shoving her face in the dirt.

"Amy, Amy don't listen to her… let go of me!" Knuckles screamed, kicking like crazy without any pay off.

"Wow Foxy you kicked butt, next time can I do something?" Bean asked as bits of popcorn fell from his mouth.

"Maybe," Fiona said in return, walking up to Bark and the captured Knuckles.

"You stupid bitch, what do you want from me?" Knuckles shouted angrily.

"You're going to lead us to the emerald, and you're also going to keep your voice down or else Bark here is going to smash your skull in," Fiona smiled, giving Knuckles a pat on the cheek, "Now Knuckles, which way is the emerald?"

"It's… the emerald… start heading north," Knuckles sighed in defeat, giving a quick gesture with his head.

"Now that's a good boy, come on Bean we're leaving," Fiona informed Bean, who was sitting on the ground staring at a tree.

"Sorry, I was just watching the sun for a second," Bean smiled, catching up to the rest of his team with the usual idiotic grin on his face.

"Bean sweetie, that was tree," Fiona explained to him with a frown of concern.

"Says you," Bean replied, sticking out his tongue to form a :P face. Meanwhile Amy had pulled herself from the ground, wiping the dirt from her dress, adjusting Fang's hat on her head, picking her hammer from the grass, and grinding her teeth in frustration.

"This isn't over," the pink hedgehog murmured to herself as she started back for the village, and she was right this story isn't over, but the chapter is.


	19. Future Generations Are Ruined

"Gotta go fast, gotta go fast, gotta go faster faster…" Sonic sang obnoxiously as he found himself speeding North towards Eggman's headquarters, unaware that he was about smash straight into a marching Antoine.

"Sonic watch out!" Antoine screamed as he saw the speedy idiot coming straight for him, but by then it was too late, in a mere second the two were both lying on the ground in a heap.

"Hey watch where you're going idiot," Sonic said, pushing himself into a sitting position.

"What do you mean me, Sonic you were the one who wasn't looking where he was going," Antoine shot back, pulling himself up and tidying up his uniform.

"Whatever… um…" Sonic went to say Antoine's name, but of course his mind was a clean slate.

"Sonic my name is Antoine, I'm a Freedom Fighter, I'm also the leader of the Royal Guard, I'm Sally's personal assistant, and I'm married to Bunnie," Antoine explained quickly, used to Sonic's forgetfulness.

"Oh Ant, yeah, whatcha ya up to dude?" Sonic asked with his typical good looking smile, holding out his hand for the tired looking coyote to pull him up.

"The usual, helping Sally do whatever she feels like doing," Antoine replied with a half frown, grabbing the hedgehog's hand and hoisting him up, "Speaking of Sally she was looking for you earlier, you should know better than to run off like that."

"Yeah I met up with her, she wanted me to beat up Metal and then do something else, I think it involved going to Eggman's base or something, you know how girls are," Sonic said with a fair amount of hand gestures.

"Hmm, yes I do know how girls are, they are people like us, yet more lovely," Antoine responded, thinking of his wife with smile.

"Well you can believe that all you want, but girls to me are annoying idiots who won't leave you alone, one minute they're like Sonic do this, the next they're like Sonic do that, and then by the end of the day you want to blow your fucking brains out," Sonic gave his opinion in return, pretending to put a bullet in his head with his hand shaped as a gun.

"Oh I see, I don't very much agree with you, but I respect your beliefs," Antoine nodded in return.

"Those aren't beliefs man, what I say is fact, right kids," Sonic said addressing you, this is the part where you take your computer, open the closest window, and slug it outside screaming: Fuck yeah world, Sonic Says! And when the police show up later for disturbance, you tell them the same thing, except replace the word: world, with the word: police.

"I do not see any kids, but speaking of girls, I'm supposed to be meeting up with Bunnie to catch that mercenary and that traitor," Antoine informed the yawning hedgehog.

"Sounds like fun, how about I come along to lend a hand," Sonic offered, adjusting his gloves once more.

"Why would I need to borrow your hand?" Antoine questioned towards the hedgehog's offer.

"I don't know, but can I come along to help or what?" Sonic asked back, still ever so slowly fixing his gloves.

"I guess you can, but don't you have business to attend to with Sally?" Antoine continued to not let up on the ongoing trading of questions.

"What business?" Sonic said dumbfounded, giving the Frenchman a look of puzzlement.

"Never mind Sonic, let's just go find Bunnie," Antoine sighed with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah, let's do it to it!" Sonic cheered, doing his signature stance from the cover of Sonic Adventure One, which looks cool for about two seconds until you realize why the hell is he shoving his arm under his crotch.

"Yes, we'll do it to it," Antoine replied looking at Sonic as if he was crazy.

"Just one question though," Sonic informed forgetting that their prior conversation consisted of questions, "Who's Bunnie?"

"Okay… um… you'll hopefully remember when you see her, also I think you require a trip to the doctor's office," Antoine answered with a serious look of concern at the still posing hedgehog.

"Why would I do that is it because of my sick tricks, or maybe it's because my temperature's too hot," Sonic started ranting about how cool he was using lame puns, if you would even call them that.

"No, I think you have brain damage," Antoine explained.

"More like you haven't had lobotomy… you get it, like you haven't had a bite of me, but it's a brain pun… or something," Sonic tried to come back, but utterly failing as he pulled himself rigidly from his strange stance.

"Yeah, well we should really get going, we haven't done anything productive so far in this chapter," Antoine told the bored hedgehog behind him, before starting up his marching again.

"What are you doing, lets juice it and cut it loose, or in uncool terms lets run really fast," Sonic suggested, casually walking besides the marching Antione.

"Sonic I cannot run anywhere near as fast as you, so I will continue to march and you will continue to walk," Antione informed the annoyed hedgehog, who let out a disgusted groan in return as the two made their way once more into the Green Hill Village.

"Man if I have to pass through this place one more time, I'm going to fall over and whine," Sonic complained not knowing that he was already whining.

"Sonic someone with you stature should be proud and feel like a king when walking amongst these citizens," Antoine said to Sonic who was picking at his ear again.

"Why, all they do is wave at me and say high Sonic, except they're too busy rebuilding shit right now to even do that," Sonic continued to whine as he slumped forward and let his arms drag on the ground, letting out groans of boredom along the way.

"Hey Sonic, funny bumping into you again," Mina Mongoose shouted, running up to greet the two men.

"Oh great it's… that band person… ugh…" Sonic sighed to himself as Mina reached them, giving an enthusiastic smile.

"So Sonic what brings you back here, I hope it wasn't me," Mina flirted to Sonic with a sly smile.

"I wouldn't say that was a reason on my list," Sonic replied fixing his posture, but still giving off an expression of disgust.

"Well hello Miss Mina, and how are you today?" Antoine greeted very proper like kneeling down with a bow, grabbing and kissing Mina's hand.

"Oh jeez, I didn't see you there Antoine, I'm doing very well, me and the boys were just packing up. We're getting ready to set out for Westopolis; we have another gig there today," Mina informed watching Antoine return to his standing position.

"So Mina have you by any chance seen Bunnie, or a purple looking guy, goes by the name Fang," Antoine questioned giving his chin a rub.

"I haven't seen Bunnie, but a very pissed looking purple colored guy passed through when we were finishing our last song, he had this big sharp tooth sticking out of his mouth," Mina explained to the interested coyote and the very opposite hedgehog.

"Yes that is the man we're looking for, what way was he heading?" Antoine replied, letting the mongoose know she was being helpful.

"He was going that way," Mina tried to answer to her fullest, pointing in the direction she had just came rushing up from.

"So in other words, south, well thank you very much Miss Mina I appreciate it," Antoine thanked giving a quick bow before starting on his way, "Have a wonderful day."

"You too; so Sonic as I was saying…" Mina said turning her attention to the needlemouse.

"And I was just leaving, but we can continue this conversation later, send me an email at Sonic is way past cool at go fuck yourself dot com," Sonic waved goodbye before ever so slowly fake jogging up to Antoine, making an over concentrated face for no reason.

"Oh… hey you think you can say that to me and get away with it?" Mina shouted angrily, giving her fist a shake.

"Yep," Sonic yelled back as he returned to his casual steady walking.

"I won't be forgetting that comment anytime soon, so I'm expecting a real treat to make up for it," Mina frowned.

"I'll be forgetting that comment… what were we talking about?" Sonic asked in return, not receiving an answer as he continued further away from the mongoose.

"That's Sonic for yah," Mina smiled to herself watching the two heroes start off on their hunt. It wasn't even a minute later when someone else was literally taping on her elbow, trying to get an answer to a bothersome question.

"Hey miss," Ray the flying squirrel said almost frantic like, impatiently trying to get the attention of the singer.

"Yes, how can I help you out kid?" Mina greeted with a smile, leaning down towards the yellow squirrel.

"I'm not a kid, I'm ten years old," Ray informed.

"Well a ten-year-old is a kid in my book," Mina told the offended squirrel.

"Yeah and what are you fifteen, sixteen?" Ray asked ready to prove a point.

"I'm sixteen, so what?" Mina shot back her light hearted tone fading away.

"See you're only six years older than me, so supposedly I'm a kid and you're an adult, why does it seem that the majority of the population is made up of idiotic teenagers, and the older people are all creepy old leaders, evil villains, or some stupid mystical pieces of shit?" Ray started ranting about the logic of the Sonic franchise, which is dumb to rant about since it is completely obvious that the Sonic franchise doesn't have any logic.

"I have no idea, what do you want from me, an autograph or something?" Mina questioned, very fed up with the complaining rodent before her.

"No I don't want a stupid autograph; I want to know who the fuck Hayward is!" Ray screamed jumping up in some sort of weird rage quit, like the ones that probably happen all over the internet.

"Hayward… Hayward, oh… Hayward is a young farmhand, who works for the farmer Old Tucker," Mina explained to the now calming down flyer.

"So you know him?" Ray questioned, looking up to the lackadaisical mongoose.

"Nah, I just looked him up on the Sonic Wiki, he also has a Facebook account, and a Twitter," Mina replied using her finger to scroll through the browser on her smartphone.

"Of course, and that's why being a hobo sucks, cause you can't afford a phone. Though look on the bright side Ray, just go get that shovel and you'll be rich," Ray told himself, daydreaming of sitting upon top a mountain of cash, surrounded by more mountains of cash.

"Excuse me?" Mina brought the squirrel back to reality as she was zooming through Hayward's tweets.

"Hey can ya tell me where he lives?" Ray asked, turning his head up to the pop star.

"Yeah, he lives northeast from here, over at Old Tucker's farm, I doubt you can miss it" Mina replied as she switched over to her Twitter account.

"Thanks," Ray spit out as he scurried quickly towards his destination.

"Just met an odd and out of line kid #futuregenerationsareruined," Mina said to herself as she was typing it into her phone, "And tweet." In the meantime we find Amy still absolutely furious about her confrontation with Fiona.

"How dare that little nobody do that to me, she thinks she can just cut in, beat me up, and steal my friend. And worse of all she tells me what to do afterwards, go tell your little blah blah blah, shove it up your ass. Also she thinks I'm jealous of her, jeez don't make me laugh, why would I be jealous of her, Sonic wouldn't choose someone like that over me, he wouldn't choose anyone over me, I'm Sonic's future wife and he knows it, and if anyone tries to get in my way, I'm going to rip them limb from limb!" Amy ranted to herself, steadily growing louder in tone her arms shaking out of pure anger. "You know what Fiona, I'm going to prove to you that you're not the only kitty with claws, or in other words I'm going to kick your ass," Amy smiled devilishly to herself, "Oh Sonic will be so proud."

"Be proud of what, you kidnapping him?" a familiarly voice made Rose look up as the sound of metal clanking approached her.

"Well hello there Bunnie I didn't expect to see you today, who am I kidding it seems like I'm bumping into someone else with each passing minute," Amy waved a warm greeting while the cyborg rabbit walked up with a look of disgust on her face, "What's wrong Bunnie?"

"Oh nothing, except that you've betrayed the Freedom Fighters and the Kingdom of Acorn, and even worse your own friend Sonic," Bunnie responded her tone cold and unwelcoming.

"What are you talking about, I would never betray you guys… most of the time, and I would kill myself to even think that I would turn against Sonic," Amy informed in shock, her face once again quickly changing in expression.

"Oh really, then why the heck were you seen working with a wanted criminal, you were going to trade a hat for a captured Sonic weren't you?" Bunnie interrogated, not letting up on the poor hedgehog.

"Yeah that… well yes I made a deal to find Fang's hat, which is right here on my head, in exchange for Sonic, but of course I would never hurt Sonic, I love him, I just wanted to spend some time with him," Amy defended herself giving the weasel's hat a pat.

"Amy why are you always making stupid decisions, everyone knows you're madly in love with Sonic, so instead of stalking and chasing him, why don't you just ask him on a date?" Bunnie suggested, her tone becoming much warmer as she gave her head a shake in disbelief.

"Just ask him on a date, hmm I'll give it a try," Amy agreed with a nod of her head.

"Well anyway I have to take you in now, Sally's orders, but don't worry we'll get things settled out shortly, and then you'll be free to go," Bunnie informed, going to grab Amy by the arm.

"Hey wow, you can't take me to jail," Amy commented as she jumped back in surprise.

"Don't make this hard on yourself, like I said you'll be in and out in no time," Bunnie explained holding out her hand in a much nicer approach, "Now come on."

"No I mean you can't take me, we have to save Knuckles, and I have to beat the shit out of Fiona," Amy tried to reason as she continued to back farther away from the southern gal.

"Now you're just talking nonsense," Bunnie replied, stepping swiftly towards the hedgehog, her mood turning cold once more.

"No I'm not, you have to believe… Bunnie behind you!" Amy shouted trying to warn her friend who reacted with a frown, before being grabbed by the neck region and held hostage as a shiny dagger blade was held against her fur.

"Nobody's going anywhere, not until I get my damn hat back," a very angry and impatient Fang demanded.

"Now sir, don't do anything stupid," Bunnie gulped as her eyes seemed to grow smaller and her look of worriment seemed to reach a hundred percent.

"Shut up, hey hedgehog, I see you found my hat, now hand it over or your friend gets it," Fang threatened, his face a twisted plate of annoyance and fury.

"Hey wait, what about your end of the deal?" Amy questioned with a pouty face.

"Amy are you fucking serious, give him the hat!" Bunnie screamed in panic, her fur skin shaking like an earthquake.

"Listen to the rabbit and hand over the hat, as far as you're concerned the deals off," Fang informed, gripping the handle of the blade even tighter.

"No, a deal is a deal, you'll get your hat when I get my Sonic," Amy said in return, her face in a frown of disappointment.

"Are you serious, well then I'll just kill your friend, and then you," Fang reacted, ready to slash the blade swiftly across Bunnie's skin.

"Help, Amy please!" Bunnie cried in desperation, watching Amy's expression turn from selfishness to a full over enjoyed stupid grin.

"Fang like I said a deal's a deal," Amy smiled, picking the hat from her head and tossing it towards the weasel, who caught it with his empty hand.

"See that wasn't so bad, now… wait a deal's a… fuck," Fang smiled in return as he plopped the hat on his head, but his enjoyment quickly turned into a sigh.

"Heads up!" Sonic yelled like an idiot, knocking both Fang and Bunnie to the ground as he smashed into them from behind.

"Hey watch what you're doing!" Antoine yelled as he came huffing and puffing up after the speedy hero.

"What I'm doing is saving asses, so don't tell me to watch it," Sonic said in return as he looked towards the lying Fang with his famous grin.

"Ow, damn it you're going to give me another headache, and I've had enough of those for today," Fang complained, sitting up and adjusting his hat.

"Are you all right my sweet?" Antoine questioned, kneeling down next to his cyborg wife.

"Yeah I'm fine sugar, just a bit shaken," Bunnie informed as she took Antoine's hand to help herself up.

"So Nack, how's life been lately?" Sonic greeted, walking towards Fang's unmanned dagger and giving it a kick away from the criminal.

"For the last time it's Fang, call me Fang," Fang said angrily, not even attempting to get off the ground as the group of "good guys" surrounded him.

"I'll take that as an agreement of your surrender towards my superior awesomeness," Sonic informed as the weasel let out a groan of defeat, "Remember kids if someone surrenders to you it either means you're better than them or you just have more power than them, and if you ever surrender to someone it means you need to reconsider your life plan."


End file.
